Teen Lesbian Wants Girlfriend to Come Out to Parents
Dear Lesbian Life:
I've got this girlfriend and we've been dating for two months now.She's 17 and lives with her mom and dad. I really like her and all, but she's scared to tell her dad and mom about me and her. She says she loves me! I'm her first girlfriend and it kind of bugs me that that she's not telling anyone about us. Sometimes I get scared and try pull away. I just wanted to know, what I should do? I told her I'll wait until she's ready and I asked her how long that's going to take and she said less then a year.
Coming out to parents can be about the scariest thing we ever do. It's good to be solid and sure about it before you do tell them. Her parents may be fine with it, but they may freak out. And that will make living with them uncomfortable, at best, or at worst, they may kick her out, try to convert her to be straight, keep her from seeing you, or take away financial support for college.
She's got a lot to risk here. I don't want to scare teens who are thinking of coming out to their parents, because the truth is, most freak out a little at first and then come around. You can't necessarily predict how someone's parents are going to respond, but I say, "Better safe than sorry."
I'm wondering why you want her to tell them about you?
Do you feel you need it to validate your relationship with her? It would be different if she was 30 and had been out for years and never told her parents. Give her time to get comfortable with it and with herself. I never advise anyone to come out before they are ready. Especially when they live under their parents roof and the consequences could be devastating.
Have her read this before coming out to her parents.
And when she does decide she is ready, here are some tips for coming out to parents.
Reading other people's stories can sometimes help. Check out these stories of how people came out to their parents.
I've got this girlfriend and we've been dating for two months now.She's 17 and lives with her mom and dad. I really like her and all, but she's scared to tell her dad and mom about me and her. She says she loves me! I'm her first girlfriend and it kind of bugs me that that she's not telling anyone about us. Sometimes I get scared and try pull away. I just wanted to know, what I should do? I told her I'll wait until she's ready and I asked her how long that's going to take and she said less then a year.
Dear Teen Lover
My advice is to just try and relax about it. She's only 17, you are her first relationship. Even though she loves you, she might not even be sure herself if she is lesbian, bisexual or straight. Give her the time and space to figure that out for herself.Coming out to parents can be about the scariest thing we ever do. It's good to be solid and sure about it before you do tell them. Her parents may be fine with it, but they may freak out. And that will make living with them uncomfortable, at best, or at worst, they may kick her out, try to convert her to be straight, keep her from seeing you, or take away financial support for college.
She's got a lot to risk here. I don't want to scare teens who are thinking of coming out to their parents, because the truth is, most freak out a little at first and then come around. You can't necessarily predict how someone's parents are going to respond, but I say, "Better safe than sorry."
I'm wondering why you want her to tell them about you?
Do you feel you need it to validate your relationship with her? It would be different if she was 30 and had been out for years and never told her parents. Give her time to get comfortable with it and with herself. I never advise anyone to come out before they are ready. Especially when they live under their parents roof and the consequences could be devastating.
Have her read this before coming out to her parents.
And when she does decide she is ready, here are some tips for coming out to parents.
Reading other people's stories can sometimes help. Check out these stories of how people came out to their parents.
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