It's over! We've all been there before.
A relationship that started out so beautifully.
It was easy to be together.
Somewhere along that road, things got hard, frustrating and left you both feeling like you've been walking on eggshells.
Maybe there were previous breakups, then you made up and got back together again.
It was unhealthy and you finally recognized it and ended it.
Finally, it's over.
You've broken up.
It's a few days after you've parted ways.
You start to question if it was the right thing to do.
You start to wonder what they're doing.
Are they feeling as lonely and sad as you are? Should you call them? You venture onto their Facebook page, and the pangs of loneliness wash over you again as you see a recent status post and pictures that reflect a vibrant social life.
You've already cried a kleenex box full of tears.
Why are breakups so hard? What can I do to make it easier? How do I know it was the right move? When going through a breakup, abstaining from contact with your former significant other can actually help you move on quicker.
I'm not talking about the kind of breakup where there are kids involved and you have a responsibility to your child.
Completely severing contact may actually be irresponsible in that situation.
Silence or no contact with your previous boyfriend or girlfriend, includes not looking up what they tweeted or checking up on them on their Facebook page.
It includes not looking at your cell phone to see if they texted you, or you writing them back to say you miss them.
Don't pick up the phone to casually see how they are doing.
Don't call them to hear their voice through their voicemail.
This will only reopen the wound again and make getting over a breakup all the more agonizing.
During the relationship, attachments began to form, and as time went on they grew stronger regardless if the relationship was a healthy one or not.
Breakup ambivalence happens often after the breakup occurs and is often influenced by this attachment to the one you were dating.
Even if the relationship was abusive, it can be difficult going through the detachment phase when you chose to initiate the break up.
Sometimes you can mistake whether the break up was the right thing to do if your emotions are clouding a clear perspective on your decision.
Attached emotions can confuse you into believing you made the wrong move, when in fact it was the right thing to do.
You are actually in a grieving stage whether the relationship was healthy or not when you are going through a break up.
It's important to allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship to heal.
Reminiscing about the relationship is normal, but it's important not to obsess, otherwise getting over it will be difficult as well.
Set time to think about it and talk about it (not with the one you chose to break up with), but set limits to how much and how long.
Talking to a therapist who specializes in relationships can be a great asset in your decision to break up or stay together and make things stronger.
It's important to have a strong support system in place, like your friends or family members.
Going through a breakup, isn't always the easiest thing to go through, but again there are ways to make it easier.
It does take time, but also intentional means of healing like some of the things listed above can help you quicker.
See a therapist, don't isolate, be around supportive environments, and allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship.