Updated September 01, 2014.

I teach a workshop called A Casserole Is Not Enough: Building Teams of Caregiving in Non Traditional Communities that my friend--who last time I was sick brought me a casserole-- thinks needs a new name.

" A casserole is totally enough," she pointed out, "it's the best thing."

When someone we care about is sick or taking care of someone they love, a casserole is enough, in a symbolic sense of course, because it's such an important sign of caring.

And it's a good start. But if you're a person who also wants to make sure your sick/caregiving friend gets the right kind of sustenance without being driven bananas, you'll want to consider some of these guidelines:

1. Unless you are very close friends, never ever ask a caregiver or their loved one "what do you want me to make?"

That question is so much work; first you have to think of something that sounds good, then you have to decide if the ingredients are too expensive for what you think your friend's financial situation is, and then decide if it's too much work and whether it's beyond their cooking skills.

Instead, offer two or three options with the caveat "if none of that sounds good, that's no problem, let me think of something else."

If you are very close to the caregiver this might be different; they might really relish the chance to ask you for a special food. So perhaps in that case, you could say "I have these two ideas, but I love you and I'd love to make whatever sounds really good to you.

Is there something maybe you wouldn't ask anyone else?"

2. Don't bring anything that requires assembly

Once when my partner was sick a very nice Radical Faerie (kind of the LGBT community's equivalent of benevolent church ladies) brought us this amazing salad with many many fresh ingredients from his garden. And because we lived in Portland Oregon, he thought it was perfectly normal to deliver the salad with each ingredient in a separate reusable container so (and I am not making this up) the auras of the vegetables would not mix. I was supposed to assemble the salad from the 13 different containers when it was close to time to eat.

The problem was my partner was having a really hard time eating, so the time to eat was when she wanted to eat, now when she wanted to eat plus the 45 minute vegetable aura salad prep time. The other problem was that now I had 13 different tiny containers to wash, dry and keep track of until the lovely Radical Faerie stopped back by.

If the meal requires anything more than heating, a caregiving/sick household is going to never eat the meal and is going to feel guilty about it every time they see you, probably until the end of time.

3. Ask about food preferences and food allergies

Ideally, if meals are needed for any length of time, they can be coordinated by some kind of meal captain or through one of the websites designed for this purpose, so hopefully that information will be written down somewhere you can access it easily.

If not, make sure you ask, even if you think you know, because it may change with sickness. People undergoing chemo, for example, have notoriously fickle tastebuds. Your friend's favorite food from last summer may now make them instantly sick. Better to ask beforehand.