What Do I Need To Do To Recover From An Affair?
Question:
My wife and I are struggling to recover from my affair. I really want to make things right with her but I feel like I'm failing her with everything I try to do. Is there a certain process we need to follow if we want to successfully put this behind us and move our marriage forward?
Answer:
It's not unusual for couples to struggle at first when trying to pick up the pieces after an affair and most couples do the right things but unfortunately the do them at the wrong time.
Below I'm going to outline 5 things you need to do to put your marriage on the right track after an affair.
Give the recovery process some TIME:
You must give the recover process time. Don't ever think that it's going to be a quick fix or that it's going to get sorted out overnight. Trust between a husband and wife will only happen over time, so you need to understand the importance of patience during this fragile time. If you give the recovery process the proper time and space to work itself out, you'll find that the anger and hurt gets slowly replaced with love and understanding.
"Remember the good times" during recovery from an affair:
Just because someone cheated does not mean that all the good times should be forgotten so try hard to remember the happy moments that you shared together as a couple. The reason why this step is needed during the process of recovery is because it will give you hope and confidence that things can get better for you two. As you go through this exercise you will find that the love you once had for each other will slowly return.
Make an effort to understand each other
Try your best to understand what your spouse is going through by putting yourself in their shoes. If you're the one who cheated and you feel like the recovery isn't going as smoothly as you'd like, just ask yourself what you would do if the roles had been reversed. Would you expect your spouse to forgive you right away?
Be honest with each other
Honesty with your spouse at this point is your best friend. And I can't stress enough how important this is. Tell your spouse how you're feeling ever day and get feed back from them as well. They'll be able to guide you and tell you the specific things they're looking for from you during this process. Get the same inputs from them as well. This will help both of you to make adjustments for each other not only during the recovery process but also for the future of your relationship.
From this point on, let honest and integrity be your guide because being honest with your spouse is one of the best ways to ensure that an affair won't ever happen again. It's only when we hide things from each other that we open the door to having an affair again.
Know how to meet each other's emotional needs
Understanding and meeting each other's emotional needs is another critical aspect when recovering from an affair. It's very helpful to realize that all of us are driven and each of us has our very own personal emotional needs. You have yours and your spouse has theirs and they need to be met. Feeling valued, admired, and loved are all essential emotional needs that must be met in a happy and healthy relationship. So make an effort to know what your spouse needs from you emotionally and then do your very best to meet those needs.
My wife and I are struggling to recover from my affair. I really want to make things right with her but I feel like I'm failing her with everything I try to do. Is there a certain process we need to follow if we want to successfully put this behind us and move our marriage forward?
Answer:
It's not unusual for couples to struggle at first when trying to pick up the pieces after an affair and most couples do the right things but unfortunately the do them at the wrong time.
Below I'm going to outline 5 things you need to do to put your marriage on the right track after an affair.
Give the recovery process some TIME:
You must give the recover process time. Don't ever think that it's going to be a quick fix or that it's going to get sorted out overnight. Trust between a husband and wife will only happen over time, so you need to understand the importance of patience during this fragile time. If you give the recovery process the proper time and space to work itself out, you'll find that the anger and hurt gets slowly replaced with love and understanding.
"Remember the good times" during recovery from an affair:
Just because someone cheated does not mean that all the good times should be forgotten so try hard to remember the happy moments that you shared together as a couple. The reason why this step is needed during the process of recovery is because it will give you hope and confidence that things can get better for you two. As you go through this exercise you will find that the love you once had for each other will slowly return.
Make an effort to understand each other
Try your best to understand what your spouse is going through by putting yourself in their shoes. If you're the one who cheated and you feel like the recovery isn't going as smoothly as you'd like, just ask yourself what you would do if the roles had been reversed. Would you expect your spouse to forgive you right away?
Be honest with each other
Honesty with your spouse at this point is your best friend. And I can't stress enough how important this is. Tell your spouse how you're feeling ever day and get feed back from them as well. They'll be able to guide you and tell you the specific things they're looking for from you during this process. Get the same inputs from them as well. This will help both of you to make adjustments for each other not only during the recovery process but also for the future of your relationship.
From this point on, let honest and integrity be your guide because being honest with your spouse is one of the best ways to ensure that an affair won't ever happen again. It's only when we hide things from each other that we open the door to having an affair again.
Know how to meet each other's emotional needs
Understanding and meeting each other's emotional needs is another critical aspect when recovering from an affair. It's very helpful to realize that all of us are driven and each of us has our very own personal emotional needs. You have yours and your spouse has theirs and they need to be met. Feeling valued, admired, and loved are all essential emotional needs that must be met in a happy and healthy relationship. So make an effort to know what your spouse needs from you emotionally and then do your very best to meet those needs.
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