Why We Hate Who We Love
Love sometimes is difficult to understand even with the ones we love the most such as our kids, husband, wife and family. Loving someone can bring tears to our eyes and smiles to our faces but understanding the very feeling of love is not always easy.
It was early in the morning when my two-year old son had his tantrums. He was pouting his lips and imitates my action of stomping a feet when I get frustrated. He was asking a coin to buy a candy at our neighborhood store and I'm reprimanding him not to. And I was shocked at his response to my telling him off. "I hate you", my toddler shout while running away. Where does his words emanate from? Have I carelessly utter those words with his presence around? I was stunned and I grip on the edge of the table while I balance myself from the seemingly bad attitude of my child.
Why do we hate the persons in our lives that have caused us frustration? When we need or want something and it does not happen we are disappointed. And oftentimes the cause of frustration comes from the person we love. We expect that these people will reciprocate or provide all the things we wanted, and when it does not its easy to be hateful.
Do you remember the time when you expect that your husband will bring flowers for you since it was your anniversary, but he did not and add to that he forgot it was your anniversary? Or maybe you were expecting that the dream house you both wanted before you were married will be provided in time. You waited, and after your silver anniversary you still live in the same two-bedroom apartment? You sum up all your disappointments with your husband and every time something comes short with him you spit angry words. He can't understand why a simple mistake leads to divorce. It's easy to hate the person and we did not understand why.
Are you happy you're successful with your career and you've got grandiose house, a luxury car and an address located along the illustrious people in your city? Of course you are. But why do you keep remembering the old ramshackle house of your past? Or the face of the worn out woman who strike at you every time you commit mistake? You are now successful, but the frustrations of the past pierce your heart with hatred. And no matter how much money you have in the bank, or the assets you own, every thing is not enough.
The feeling of hatred emanates from the frustrations we had with the people whom we expect but wasn't able to give. And we expect every thing from these people because we love them and the love we have must be reciprocated. The husband may have forgotten to give flowers for their anniversary but the wife forgot also that it was him that helped her shovel and water the flowers in the garden. He did not bought the dream house but the wife forgot that he worked for forty five years to provide food, shelter and education to his children. And the wife failed to see that the effort of his husband resulted to her children having a good job because of good education and eventually buying the dream house they wanted.
Success does not mean happiness and contentment. Oftentimes the frustration of the past becomes the driving force for the present achievements. Happiness complements success, but not the other way. You can have success but it does not necessarily mean you are happy. Remember your old ramshackle house and be proud that you are way back different now. And don't forget that the woman who beats you up before is the same woman who brought you to this world. You will never be the person you are now if not for her. Don't blame her if her frustrations in life are taken up against you. She needs to be a mother and a father to you. She needs to work in the wee hours to provide for you and your siblings. She was tired and unhappy. She was expecting that her children will see her exhaustion and meet her needs. But as a child you are, you commit misbehaviors also. Her actions were intolerable but you love her. If you think she's not happy with your success or if you think you can take your success against her. Think twice. She loves you and you love her. And you have build walls but continue to eavesdrop of each other because of love. Build bridge for your mother and fetch her. She needs your help to walk on that bridge.
We feel hatred because we loved. And it would be easy to erase from our hearts the feeling of hatred if we try to be patient, understanding and loving. After all we can't be completely happy if the person we love is not present in our lives.
It was early in the morning when my two-year old son had his tantrums. He was pouting his lips and imitates my action of stomping a feet when I get frustrated. He was asking a coin to buy a candy at our neighborhood store and I'm reprimanding him not to. And I was shocked at his response to my telling him off. "I hate you", my toddler shout while running away. Where does his words emanate from? Have I carelessly utter those words with his presence around? I was stunned and I grip on the edge of the table while I balance myself from the seemingly bad attitude of my child.
Why do we hate the persons in our lives that have caused us frustration? When we need or want something and it does not happen we are disappointed. And oftentimes the cause of frustration comes from the person we love. We expect that these people will reciprocate or provide all the things we wanted, and when it does not its easy to be hateful.
Do you remember the time when you expect that your husband will bring flowers for you since it was your anniversary, but he did not and add to that he forgot it was your anniversary? Or maybe you were expecting that the dream house you both wanted before you were married will be provided in time. You waited, and after your silver anniversary you still live in the same two-bedroom apartment? You sum up all your disappointments with your husband and every time something comes short with him you spit angry words. He can't understand why a simple mistake leads to divorce. It's easy to hate the person and we did not understand why.
Are you happy you're successful with your career and you've got grandiose house, a luxury car and an address located along the illustrious people in your city? Of course you are. But why do you keep remembering the old ramshackle house of your past? Or the face of the worn out woman who strike at you every time you commit mistake? You are now successful, but the frustrations of the past pierce your heart with hatred. And no matter how much money you have in the bank, or the assets you own, every thing is not enough.
The feeling of hatred emanates from the frustrations we had with the people whom we expect but wasn't able to give. And we expect every thing from these people because we love them and the love we have must be reciprocated. The husband may have forgotten to give flowers for their anniversary but the wife forgot also that it was him that helped her shovel and water the flowers in the garden. He did not bought the dream house but the wife forgot that he worked for forty five years to provide food, shelter and education to his children. And the wife failed to see that the effort of his husband resulted to her children having a good job because of good education and eventually buying the dream house they wanted.
Success does not mean happiness and contentment. Oftentimes the frustration of the past becomes the driving force for the present achievements. Happiness complements success, but not the other way. You can have success but it does not necessarily mean you are happy. Remember your old ramshackle house and be proud that you are way back different now. And don't forget that the woman who beats you up before is the same woman who brought you to this world. You will never be the person you are now if not for her. Don't blame her if her frustrations in life are taken up against you. She needs to be a mother and a father to you. She needs to work in the wee hours to provide for you and your siblings. She was tired and unhappy. She was expecting that her children will see her exhaustion and meet her needs. But as a child you are, you commit misbehaviors also. Her actions were intolerable but you love her. If you think she's not happy with your success or if you think you can take your success against her. Think twice. She loves you and you love her. And you have build walls but continue to eavesdrop of each other because of love. Build bridge for your mother and fetch her. She needs your help to walk on that bridge.
We feel hatred because we loved. And it would be easy to erase from our hearts the feeling of hatred if we try to be patient, understanding and loving. After all we can't be completely happy if the person we love is not present in our lives.
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