10 Ways for Grandparents to Welcome a Foster Child into the Family
- Help the foster child learn good boundaries. Some foster children will latch right on to you and as grandparents, this may feel good, but is not appropriate for kids who need to learn good boundaries. Some foster children struggle with attachment disorders. Do not throw your arms around the foster child and smother him with tons of those wonderful grandparent kisses and hugs. This would be an invasion of the child's space by a stranger and could be very scary for a new foster child who is being placed in your family. Build up to a close relationship over time.
- Teach the foster child the rules of your home. Be kind, gentle, and patient. The child has been in a number of new environments and situations since being placed in foster care. She may already be overwhelmed with it all.
- Be supportive of your child's decision to be a foster parent. Fostering can be stressful and nothing adds to this stress than not feeling supported by family.
- Treat all grandchildren the same with the same rules. Many families try to make-up for past hurts by feeling sorry for foster children and not holding the foster children accountable for their actions. Take this opportunity to teach the foster children about accountability.
- Spend time with the foster child.Over time try to get to know the foster child as an individual.
- Be a grandma or grandpa to the foster children by teaching them a hobby or simply baking cookies with them. Most foster children have never had the opportunity for normalcy and to feel special with a trusted adult doing normal every day things.
- Attend the foster child's activities when you can.Participate in the child's special days such as birthdays and school programs.
- Remember to keep a connection with your grandchildren by remembering to take special individual time with them. Many kids whose families do foster care feel lost in the foster care shuffle. Don't allow this to happen to your grandchildren. Even if there is some tears from the foster children, take the opportunities to spend one-on-one time with your grandchildren. They're only young once.
- Don't attempt to 'buy' the child's love by purchasing a ton of gifts. Many foster children have not known the joy of having active grandparents in their lives. Take this opportunity to fill a child's emotional and self-esteem needs with the gift of your time and presence.
- Ask your family if there are issues you need to be aware of such as stealing or if the foster child has certain fears. The foster parents should be able to share some information with you without breaking confidentiality. This is to keep you safe and the child comfortable. Don't be afraid to ask and then spend time with the child in a way that makes you both feel comfortable.
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