My hands are trembling as I type this. For one, I know that a lot of women now read my articles (hello from this guy whos had enough coffee to last for one week), and two, if youre a loyal reader, then I suppose your future in the dating scene depends on how well I put this thing together. So, excuse me as I drink another cup of coffee.

Cool.

Now, on to our business. If Google lead you to this post, then for sure, youre in dire (ehrm, desperate) need of help. But you already did the first step, seek advice. For that, I applaud you and your excellent research skills. This time, its my turn to give you tips on how to approach the woman of your dreams.

For me, its important to know how to date women. However, its more essential to know how to get them to date me first. Because of this, I categorize the ladies I want to date into 3: the officemate, the best girl friend, and the woman I met while I was having my lunch in the park.

Now remember, what Im about today is not THE dating advice for men (but well go to that on the days to come). This is list is just composed of some tips to help you ask a lady out. If youre ready, then read on.

The Girl: The Officemate

Characterized by: Crisp, well-ironed corporate attire, bloody red lipstick, sky-high heels, and a bagful of confidence

Things shes good at: Healthy competition in a work environment, talking the boss into giving her a raise, making your heart melt when she passes by your cubicle

What shes like: The officemate can be very difficult to approach. Shes someone who cant be boxed out, volatile and ambitious. So if youre the kind who has so-so performance at work, you have to start doing better. If youre the kind who thinks men are better than women, then dont even try asking her out (you obnoxious, discriminating bastard!). More often than not, the officemate has high standards. But that doesnt mean you dont have a chance.

How to approach her: After improving your performance at work, casually try to get close to her. Try to rub elbows with her work friends. Join them for lunch for a week, but keep in mind that you should not sound too eager. Once shes comfortable with your presence, bring up being free on a Saturday night and ask her about her plans. And voila, if shes free then the green light is on.

The Girl: The Best Girl Friend (emphasis on the space between best and girl)

Characterized by: Sneakers as dirty as yours, clothes as loose as yours, and a loud laugh that echoes across the hall

Things shes good at: Sports, beating the hell out of you on computer games, pulling your heart strings every time

What shes like: Shes basically a girl version of you, which makes her COOOOOOOOOL! Its good and bad. Since shes interested in the same things youre interested in, you already know what she likes and how youre going to get it. But, its a tricky situation. How do you really go from having a platonic relationship to a romantic relationship?

How to approach her: One, stop barfing and farting around her. If you want her to like you LIKE YOU, if you know what I mean, you have to show her you have some manners. Two, ask her out for a nice dinner where you both get to clean up well. If she asks why, tell her that she deserves a break from all you bad-assness and tell her that you really, REALLY want to take her out.

The Girl: The Woman You Met While You Were Having Lunch in the Park

Characterized by: Good looks, because really what else do you know about her?

Things shes good at: Oh yeah, like I know.

What shes like: For now, all I know is that shes pretty.

How to approach her: Smooth men know it best: act like you dont give a damn, but make sure she sees you, your muscles, and your amazing set of eyes. If you see her looking at you, woohoo! Its on, time for you to make a move. Whether youre working out in the gym, walking in the park, or drinking at a party, the next thing for you to do is to cross the space between you and the lady. Talk, laugh, and listen. And man, youre so going to get that first date!

Good luck!