Long Distance Lover Won"t Commit
Dear Emily,
My girlfriend and I have been involved in a long distance relationship for about two years. We broke up the first time because she couldn't deal with the whole distance thing between us and it left me feeling devastated.
Just when I was starting to heal, she came back. She says she loves me and she wants to be with me, but her actions are saying something different. She told me that the distance is just too much for her.
I can't move because I have a young daughter. She tells me that she can't move because she is not ready. Should I move on and find someone else who doesn't run hot and cold or give this relationship a fighting chance?
Stumped in Sacramento
This is not a healthy relationship. And whenever a relationship is unhealthy and unless you can afford the best medical team, the outlook is dim. It’s as if you are at the mercy of whatever she decides to do. She decides to go, she decides to come back and she decides to go again. You have a daughter and understandably, you do not want to disrupt her life. If this relationship were a priority for your girlfriend, she would come to you. If the love of my life had five kids and lived in Siberia, I would move there because love is a priority in my life.
If you decide to stay, keep paying attention to what she does and pay no attention to what she says.
Actions and words must add up. If they do not, you need to run for the hills.
I wouldn’t rearrange one little piece of furniture to accommodate this chick. Let me put it to you bluntly. If anyone is on the fence about whether or not they want to be with you, tell them to jump off in the opposite direction. Life is too short to be wasted with someone who is unsure about you. Relationships have enough problems, but not knowing if you want to be with the person should not be one of them.
We operate out of two basic emotions at all times—love or fear. And this fear-based relationship needs to be tended to on both ends in order to switch to love.
Emily Wilcox is a lesbian advice columnist and author of 100 Lesbians Walk Into a Bar.... Follow her at @100lesbians on Twitter
My girlfriend and I have been involved in a long distance relationship for about two years. We broke up the first time because she couldn't deal with the whole distance thing between us and it left me feeling devastated.
Just when I was starting to heal, she came back. She says she loves me and she wants to be with me, but her actions are saying something different. She told me that the distance is just too much for her.
I can't move because I have a young daughter. She tells me that she can't move because she is not ready. Should I move on and find someone else who doesn't run hot and cold or give this relationship a fighting chance?
Stumped in Sacramento
Dear Stumped,
Give her another chance to do what…to lie to you? To take you for granted? Decide if she wants to be with you?This is not a healthy relationship. And whenever a relationship is unhealthy and unless you can afford the best medical team, the outlook is dim. It’s as if you are at the mercy of whatever she decides to do. She decides to go, she decides to come back and she decides to go again. You have a daughter and understandably, you do not want to disrupt her life. If this relationship were a priority for your girlfriend, she would come to you. If the love of my life had five kids and lived in Siberia, I would move there because love is a priority in my life.
If you decide to stay, keep paying attention to what she does and pay no attention to what she says.
Actions and words must add up. If they do not, you need to run for the hills.
I wouldn’t rearrange one little piece of furniture to accommodate this chick. Let me put it to you bluntly. If anyone is on the fence about whether or not they want to be with you, tell them to jump off in the opposite direction. Life is too short to be wasted with someone who is unsure about you. Relationships have enough problems, but not knowing if you want to be with the person should not be one of them.
We operate out of two basic emotions at all times—love or fear. And this fear-based relationship needs to be tended to on both ends in order to switch to love.
Emily Wilcox is a lesbian advice columnist and author of 100 Lesbians Walk Into a Bar.... Follow her at @100lesbians on Twitter
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