Email was only the beginning in a long line of applications that allowed people to be less accountable in their interactions with others.
All of us have experienced backlash from emails we should have re-read before sending or not have sent at all...
EVER.
Social media tools like Twitter, Facebook, and a dozen other collaboration and blogging tools now allow us to make the same mistakes in hundreds of new ways...
and with pictures.
I think we have entered a new era of "Socialites".
Not the Paris Hilton types, but more like the socialites of the 1920's.
It is rumored that the term was coined around 1928 by the writers and editors at Time magazine, as a contraction of "social light".
The inference was that people would show up at social events and "shine", either naturally or artificially.
Some considered themselves of "true society blood".
They where socialites (by pedigree).
And then there were "register-ites" (those who didn't have the "right" background to have gotten in, but rich girls who lived fabled - sometimes fast - lives).
There is a lot of that in the social networks world these days, and I thought I would point out some of my observations.
Maybe in identifying your social network behavior you can help the rest of us use the medium more effectively: Do you show up at LinkedIn forums just to be seen? Do you go from forum to forum, or from group to group, just to make sure people read your comments or look at your profile? I am not talking about networking or about letting people know what you do for a living.
I am referring to people who reply to postings just to show off.
Like the socialites of the 20s, some people add value and some people only cause noise.
Are you eaves dropping? Do you respond to a need or are you at "the party" eves dropping and waiting for the opportunity to prance on unsuspecting party-goers? Unfortunately, only closed forums prevent unwanted ears, and we would lose valuable input from people genuinely interested in helping if we get too selective on membership.
Excluding people defeats the purpose of open groups.
But as in real social settings, people should check their motives before jumping into a conversation in progress.
Again, great to find a means to introduce your product or service, but if you don't add value, then keep your comments to yourself.
And before you make a comment, read previous comments from others.
Are you making a scene? Just because the interaction is virtual doesn't mean you can't "make a scene".
The main difference is that when you make a fool of yourself everyone can send private messages to one another about what an idiot you are.
Watch what you say and how you act.
One day someone is going to meet you in a "real" setting, recognize your profile picture or your name, and make an immediate (and fair) assumption that you are an idiot in real life too.
Are you crowding me? Many systems like LinkedIn have introduction settings that allow a user to decide whether or not they want to accept direct introductions.
I personally like meeting people and accept invitations from strangers.
But lately I have been getting invitations from people who just want access to my network.
Or who use their access to me online to pressure me for a sale.
Some, even more persistent, invite me to be friends on Facebook.
Here is the message I am sure many people are trying to get across to you: "Stop following me around.
Its creeping me out".
Do you monopolize the conversation? You know what I am talking about: You post a question and one person has to go on and on about how they are the "One", like Neo in the Matrix.
Sure, they pretend to offer an unbiased solution, but after six postings about themselves and six more messages to my email it just gets overwhelming.
It also causes other potential contributors to get tired of the sales pitches and leave the group.
To be fair, vendors can add incredible value to a discussion.
So don't automatically assume a person is trying to sell you something.
Extend professional courtesy to people and they will express their needs to you when it is appropriate.
Are you an uninvited guest? When I see a group called "Food Services Professionals of South Florida", I don't ask the moderator to accept me as a member.
Why? Because I am not a food services professional in South Florida.
That is, unless, I can add value.
Hidden agendas and misrepresentation are as unprofessional in a social network setting as they are at a professional event or meeting.
Before I go, let me add a few comments on my favorite and equally hated social network...
Facebook.
Unlike some of the business sites, Facebook was specifically designed for individuals to share personal anecdotes, photos, and messages with one another.
Unfortunately, some people forget that they are interacting with actual people.
I am sure there will soon be hundreds of studies done on the behavior and conduct of human beings on Facebook and MySpace, but until then here are a few that drive me nuts: Too much evidence of your activity and whereabouts - People realize too late that they are giving away too much information about their lives on Facebook.
If you don't think you are, then you are in denial.
My wife recently made a series of innocent postings about my leaving town on a business trip.
It horrified me.
On another occasion some friends questioned me about my availability, referencing Facebook postings and my patterns for posting (time of day, length of time online, etc.
).
Some people will call me as soon as they see me post a comment on my wall.
And as for mixing business and pleasure, there is a growing trend among corporate recruiters to visit an applicant's Facebook site before recommending them for a position.
Will You Be My Friend...
Mark "Y" for Yes...
- Turning down friend requests is not a sin.
I do it often.
Not because I don't want you to "be" my friend, but most likely because you already are and understand that I cannot realistically manage the volume of information delivered via Facebook every day.
We all use Facebook for different reasons.
I began using it as a way for my family and friends in Arizona to keep up with us.
Eventually it became a substitute for reaching out to them in person, so I adjusted my usage.
Facebook does not have "acquaintance" requests, so I feel comfortable accepting requests from those with whom I have a close relationship or those people I want to know better.
In any case, if you send a friendship request, be willing to accept people for who they are.
Inviting colleagues and co-workers opens up a whole world of troubles you may not want.
Hiding in plane sight - I am often hesitant to turn on "chat" option for a number of reasons.
The most honest reason is that I try to stay online as little as possible and do not want to be drawn into a conversation without sufficient time to make it meaningful.
But it is also true that I am given to the paranoia that someone will see me online and want to talk.
Rule of thumb is to (like in any other social situation), be gracious and always use good manners.
Say hi.
Let people know you can't talk.
But never lie, because as I mentioned earlier, people can easily track your whereabouts and availability.
If you tell someone you can't talk, then spend the next two hours posting, what message does that send? The Parade of Victims - As a father and grandfather I know that everyone needs a listening ear.
We all need one another in times of crisis, and with this economy many of us are experiencing extreme difficulty.
But no one wants your drama all over their wall.
People's discomfort with others who choose to act like victims, who see everything as a negative, or try to guilt others into feeling sorry for them is as real on Facebook as it is in life.
So to quote the famous Bob Newhart skit: "STOP IT!" Read Between the Lines - For every person who uses Facebook to get attention there are those who genuinely need it and do not get it.
Facebook is a powerful tool for bringing together people under a common cause.
I have recently discovered hidden needs and hurts by simply paying attention.
Then, I have been able to quickly recruit others and help those in need using Facebook as a communication and solicitation vehicle.
Update Anxiety - How many times a minute do you refresh Facebook to see if your friends replied to your posting? The answer will reveal a new type of anxiety I can only coin as "update anxiety".
It is the type of behavior that is slowly eating away at our productivity and keeping us away from a focused life.
People forget that the only communication vehicle that offers a guaranteed immediate reply the act of physically walking up to someone.
We already have unrealistic expectations about using email to get immediate answers from others.
Don't make the same mistake with social media.
I would love to hear your input.
Feel free to post your comments; just don't write them on my Facebook wall.