Why do you date? The answer might seem obvious: for sex, for fun, for happier weekends, to impress my friends, to avoid loneliness, or to feel wanted.
Your dating motivation will have a lot to do with your dating experiences and outcomes.
Sometimes we confuse what we want and what we need.
When we are looking for something or someone to fill our needs, we are not very picky.
We just look to get the need met.
Here are some common needs met routinely in typical dating scenarios: a stepfather for children, a shoulder to cry on, a need to get pregnant, a desire for sex, perceived status of a married person, sharing financial expenses, etc.
HO HUM.
Snore.
At some point we all look for someone to fill our needs.
It's part of our maturing process.
The challenge is to be aware of it and not to have unrealistic expectations.
Don't confuse love and need.
Beyond Need If you are looking for loving fulfilling relationship, your needs must to be resolved first.
Finding someone to do it for you, or with you, or because of you will not satisfy a long term romance.
Learning to be a happy, fulfilled and expansive person is your job, your responsibility, for yourself.
You have to have your life balanced and engaged or you will attract someone with issues just like yours.
It happened to Peter, who, after a series of failed relationships and a job loss, slowly crawled into depression.
He was longing to have someone join him and help him to feel less lonely.
Like magic, Rosa appeared.
She was working hard for an immigrant status in Canada.
She didn't have much money and had no friends.
She too was lonely and with an uncertain future.
They turned to each other for a comfort and even got married but their relationship didn't last long.
He got a good job position with the Government, she's got the status and met a lot of friends from her community.
They broke up shortly thereafter, after their needs were fulfilled.