Some people feel called to be caregivers and devote their lives to it.
Some of us never planned or even thought we would be caring for a dying loved one but here we are.
Now what do we do? Do you know how to provide the depth of hands-on care that is needed for your dying loved one? I didn't either.
Mom was dying and she would come to live with me.
I painted her room and moved her in and had no idea what was to come.
I didn't know the questions to ask let alone know that they needed to be.
Over a very short period of time I realized that there was a lot I didn't know and I needed to learn these skills quickly.
And because of her disease mom kept changing so just when I would get a handle on caring for her it would become a whole, new ballgame with a complete new set of rules to learn.
There were issues with meals as it became harder for mom to eat and I needed to know what foods she could eat and how to keep nutrition up.
We went from regular meals to modified meals to sippy cups with protein drinks to me feeding her like a baby.
There were issues with hygiene because mom had sores on her bottom that needed constant attention and medication and when she had to begin wearing diapers it just got worse.
When she could no longer get up I had to learn how to bathe her in bed and change the bedding with her still in it.
There were new medications to administer and at various times so I had to get and keep that organized.
Mom was losing her ability to stand and then sit so I had to learn how to transfer her from bed to wheelchair or potty without hurting myself (I was successful in that except the one time we fell and I hit the dresser).
And that is just a few of the issues.
Not only were bathing, dressing, feeding, and diapers part of every day I was also nurse, therapist, organizer, spiritual advisor, companion and confidant to my dying mother.
The learning curve was pretty steep for this untrained, accidental caregiver.
I learned by doing, by reading and by asking hospice.
I learned by love and mistakes and commitment to doing the best I could.
Then I wrote a book with everything in one place so others can learn all these caregiving skills quickly.
Are you an accidental caregiver too? Think through where you might be lacking and ask for instruction or find the information or figure it out.
Those we care for are depending on us and as their illness progresses they will need us to know how to help them and love them right up to the last, "I love you, mom.
Good-bye.
"