Composure

• Helping children learn how to deal with anger, frustration and upset takes practice. Role playing is a great way to help kids learn to gain composure and poise. Discuss a scenario with a child and talk through the situation. One example: Imagine you are at school and someone takes a toy or something precious that belongs to you. How would you feel? How can you handle it? After brainstorming ideas with the child, offer suggestions of counting to 10 during intense feelings of anger. Instruct children to breathe to regain peaceful, manageable levels of anger, and talk about ways of calmly addressing the problem with the individual. Yoga offers many different types of breathing that can be fun for children to learn and will provide ways of calming down in a moment of intense irritation. Practicing these with children gives them something to draw upon them when tough situations present themselves.
  
  

Encouragement and Perspective

• Offering specific praise by noticing positive efforts of individuals is incredibly powerful in helping children want to make positive choices. When people receive encouragement and praise, dopamine, a "feel-good" chemical, is produced by the brain and frontal lobe development is stimulated. It is amazing how quickly a negative view of the world can develop. Play a game with children called, "How many good things can we see?" Throughout the day, challenge children to notice positive actions. Write down every positive thing children notice. It can also be fun to discuss perspective with children by making a pair of "rose-colored glasses" using cardboard and colored cellophane. Looking at life with a rosy perspective increases positive feelings for everyone.
  
  

Personal Responsibility and Accountability

• Allowing children an opportunity to take responsibility for feelings, emotions and actions is important in developing self-control. It is sometimes difficult even for adults to understand that no one can do or say anything to make them angry. An event that angers one individual may gain only a shrug of the shoulders from another. To teach the lesson of personal responsibility play a game called, "Who made you move?" Explain to children that you will be playing music. While the music is playing children may move about in whatever way that is safe, but when the music stops they are to freeze in one spot. Children enjoy this game that is much like musical chairs without the chairs. After the game, ask the children, "Who made you move? Did the music make you move? Did stopping the music make you stop? Could you have chosen to stop while the music was playing? Could you have chosen to keep moving when the music stopped?" Extend the conversation to talk about different ways of using positive choices as a means of self-control. Raising hands in class to speak, walking away from a fight, putting away toys and cleaning up are all examples of activities requiring personal control and responsibility. Continue practicing self-control through personal responsibility games like "Red Light-Green Light" and the "Hokey Pokey."
  
  

Empathy and Forgiveness

• Developing a sense of empathy and forgiveness in children creates a compassionate world for society as a whole. Everyone has made mistakes, said things in anger causing later regret and hurt people we love. It is simply part of the human condition. Teaching children about empathy builds lasting self-control to use in any given situation. When children, and adults for that matter, understand people are not intentionally seeking to irritate and annoy, self-control is easier to manage. To teach the power of forgiveness, play a game called "The Weight of Resentment." Gather several backpacks and load them with a 10-pound sack of flour or a couple of bricks. Have children wear the backpacks for an extended time as they go about normal activities. Younger children probably need to wear the backpack for only 15 to 30 minutes while older children may need to wear the backpack for a longer time. After removing the backpack, talk about how it feels physically to have released the backpack. Talk about anger and resentment as a negative weight. Lead children through guided imagery to help let go of angry feelings. Have students close their eyes and tell them to imagine walking through an open field and placing a note with specific anger and hurt feelings in a hot air balloon. Tell them to imagine the hot air balloon floating away while carrying the hurt, negative emotions along with it. Learning to forgive is one of the most powerful ways to help children choose self-control instead of more negative responses that can end disastrously.