Jealousy & Trust
- The order of birth typically gives each sibling a different role within the family. The eldest child usually becomes a surrogate parent to the younger siblings, assuming a more authoritative role. The middle child is usually more levelheaded than other siblings, making him better at negotiations. The youngest child, typically getting the most attention from the parents, is the most selfless and warm among her siblings. On one hand, the difference in roles can arouse jealousy among siblings about authority, privileges, and recognition.
- The varying roles of siblings elicit different expectations and recognition from parents. For first born children, there is a pressure to be the guardian and good example for their younger siblings. Middle born children often become less noticed by their parents due to the high expectations of their older siblings and the generous attention their younger siblings receive. Youngest children usually get the most attention from the parents for longer periods of time. These variations in the way their parents treat them become a standard of comparison between siblings and cause jealousy and competition.
- Siblings compare themselves with each other in some way and this can harbor feelings of jealousy. First born children may be jealous of younger siblings who he has to share his parents' attention with. Middle children often feel unnoticed and develop the drive to always compete with their older siblings to garner more attention from the parents. Lastborn children may sometimes feel weak compared their older siblings because, as the youngest of the brood, they tend to be more sheltered. These comparisons also extend to the kind of privileges that siblings receive in terms of curfew, freedom, and such.
- Although birth order typically gives each sibling a role in the family, these roles play an important role in the siblings' personal growth and relationship with each other. The eldest children are driven to become good examples for their younger siblings and thus become more responsible. Middle children develop strong social skills because they have to learn to negotiate with their siblings and parents. Youngest children also develop strong social and coping skills through the nurturing of older siblings and parents that help them develop high self-esteem. These roles can create a sense of team unity among siblings and foster trust and dependability among them.
- As parents, it is best to let siblings work out arguments among themselves. In doing so, parents let their children learn to relate to each other and form a strong family bond. Constantly mending relationship for children may encourage fighting as siblings are more likely to fight when they know their parents will pay more attention to them. Age gaps between children also play a part in coping with sibling rivalry. A gap of four or more years is ideal. Children ages four or more years are more mature and understanding of the changes that will come when a new sibling comes into the family.
Birth Order
Varied Attention from Parents
Comparing Siblings
Trusting the Team
Parents and Sibling Rivalry
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