Physical and psychological abuse has existed from the beginning of time.
Men and women have always taken advantage of other people's weaknesses or character flaws.
Men and women in relationships have suffered silently for many years because of shame or fear.
In fact laws and punishment for abuse have not been around for too long either.
Breaking the abuse cycle in your life is not easy but it can be done with some effort on your part.
I know it is easy to say stand up for yourself and I also know putting this into practice and easier said than done.
Here are a few things you can do to put a stop to the suffering and fear caused by an abusive relationship.
To start with, an abuser and a bully are people who many times have been abused themselves.
Others have seen their mothers or fathers abused all through their young years and believe this is normal behavior.
The rest are people who have severe psychological problems and believe they are better or stronger than you are and that they can continue with this practice as long as they want without facing the consequences.
You are the only one who can stop abuse against yourself and your family, if you do not do it now, things can escalate and become truly dangerous and possibly have fatal consequences.
The first step in the process is accepting that you are being abused in one way or another.
The second step is accepting that you have not done anything wrong and that you do not deserve to be treated this way.
The third and most important is to decide, in your mind and heart, that you will not take it anymore.
Take into account that this decision will probably bring consequences and changes to your life and those around you.
Once you start breaking the cycle, there is no turning back; you must be ready to go all the way.
If you don't, the abuser will feel he or she has gained more power over you and things will get worse than you can imagine.
Trying to talk to the abuser will not work neither will complaints, any of these will just make him or her feel stronger and believe that you are in his or her power for ever.
It is fear and a sense of power over you that drives him or her to abuse you, the knowledge that he or she can do it and that you will take whatever they do to you each and every time.
Only actions will dissuade them from continuing with their torture and mistreatment.
The first thing to do in case of physical abuse is to go to the hospital and have them open a record containing pictures and medical reports that confirm the abuse.
Do this by yourself without anyone knowing what you have done; this is a secret weapon you will use later.
Make sure you not only put on record physical evidence but also psychological, hospitals have psychiatrists on duty all the time that will interview you and write a report confirming your statement and their findings.
If your children are also being abused, talk with the family service person, they are also at the hospital.
Report and explain everything that has happened mentioning specific events and dates, whenever possible, describing the abuse and any evidence you have about it, these may be scars, bruises or anything like that.
If the social worker, doctor or psychologists wants to speak with them find the time when the abuser is out or away to take them to the interview and medical examination.
If necessary lie to him or her but get your children to those interviews secretly.
Once this is done, ask for a copy of your file and keep it in a safe place at home or where ever you know he or she will not find it.
The next time something starts to happen, I did not say happens, I said starts to happen, you have two options, either you take a skillet from the drawer in the kitchen and hit him or her over the head or you run to your neighbor's house.
Call the police, this is not your problem, it is the abusers problem, do not hesitate to call them and make them come out to your house.
Show the police the hospital file you have put together and file a formal complaint against him or her.
Have him or her arrested not just warned, let the police know you feel your life and the lives of your children are in danger and you need their help.
Abusers only fear someone who they believe is capable of abusing them, once out in the open before someone stronger than they are they become kittens.
Do not be afraid or embarrassed to let the world know you are being abused, you are a victim not a perpetrator and it is not your fault, it is his or hers.
What I have said above may seem drastic to some but it is the only way to go.
Difficult situations require drastic solutions and in this case this is the only one that will work.
Knowing there is someone to protect you and defend you legally will give your beaten self-esteem a good boost.
Stop crying and take action now.