How Do I Help My Son Overcome His Painful Shyness?
Q. "I have a 7-year old son who is so shy he will hardly talk to anyone outside of our family. How can I help him?"
A. Although some children are, by nature, slow to warm up, that does not mean that they cannot overcome their fears and anxieties. The trick is to start from where they are at, and build from success to success.
Look for things he likes to do and is good at. This will build self- confidence. He will also have more things to talk about. If you can find things for him to do, involving others, better still. Don't force him to do anything, but also don't make it easy for him to get out of it. A lot of time children will say they don't want to do something, even when they know inside that they'll have a great time.
Deliberately set up some social situations as learning experiences for him. Start with easy ones and then build up. For example, going to the movies with a friend is dead easy - they sit in the dark and don't have to talk to each other at all! Yet they can have fun together.
Structure some activities for him that involve a few other people. Each time he gains a little confidence, plan another that is slightly more difficult. Plan these events knowing that he will do well, and then stop while it's still fun. This will make everyone want to do it again.
Make sure these social occasions involve activities that he likes. If he likes computer games, invite some friends (one for the first time, then more) to come over and play them together. They will start talking about the games as they play.
When it's time to visit adults, tell them about your son's latest adventures playing the computer game. Let him be the one to correct you about any details. Hopefully, he'll become engaged and start talking about some of the high points for him. You can even clue the adults in ahead of time about things to ask him.
If he chooses not to talk, don't force him but don't make excuses for him It's his choice to talk or not. Try drawing him into conversations. You might ask him something like, "How did Mario get lost in the Mansion?". This is an open ended question and will be easy for him to answer and elaborate on. Don't make it difficult for him by asking something that just requires a one word answer, or ask about something that's hard for him.
Gradually, your son will develop confidence in talking and being with people. He will then be able to take more risks by talking about less familiar subjects. In short - if talking becomes fun, he will do more of it. It it is difficult or embarrassing he will do less.
Finally, don't call him "shy". The more he hears you say this, the more convinced he will be that that is just how he is and that he cannot change. In time he might even use this as an excuse: "I can't do that - I'm too shy!" Instead, emphasise his positive qualities - his gentleness, kindness, politeness etc.
It will take a while, but if you keep being positive with him, he will come out of his shell.
A. Although some children are, by nature, slow to warm up, that does not mean that they cannot overcome their fears and anxieties. The trick is to start from where they are at, and build from success to success.
Look for things he likes to do and is good at. This will build self- confidence. He will also have more things to talk about. If you can find things for him to do, involving others, better still. Don't force him to do anything, but also don't make it easy for him to get out of it. A lot of time children will say they don't want to do something, even when they know inside that they'll have a great time.
Deliberately set up some social situations as learning experiences for him. Start with easy ones and then build up. For example, going to the movies with a friend is dead easy - they sit in the dark and don't have to talk to each other at all! Yet they can have fun together.
Structure some activities for him that involve a few other people. Each time he gains a little confidence, plan another that is slightly more difficult. Plan these events knowing that he will do well, and then stop while it's still fun. This will make everyone want to do it again.
Make sure these social occasions involve activities that he likes. If he likes computer games, invite some friends (one for the first time, then more) to come over and play them together. They will start talking about the games as they play.
When it's time to visit adults, tell them about your son's latest adventures playing the computer game. Let him be the one to correct you about any details. Hopefully, he'll become engaged and start talking about some of the high points for him. You can even clue the adults in ahead of time about things to ask him.
If he chooses not to talk, don't force him but don't make excuses for him It's his choice to talk or not. Try drawing him into conversations. You might ask him something like, "How did Mario get lost in the Mansion?". This is an open ended question and will be easy for him to answer and elaborate on. Don't make it difficult for him by asking something that just requires a one word answer, or ask about something that's hard for him.
Gradually, your son will develop confidence in talking and being with people. He will then be able to take more risks by talking about less familiar subjects. In short - if talking becomes fun, he will do more of it. It it is difficult or embarrassing he will do less.
Finally, don't call him "shy". The more he hears you say this, the more convinced he will be that that is just how he is and that he cannot change. In time he might even use this as an excuse: "I can't do that - I'm too shy!" Instead, emphasise his positive qualities - his gentleness, kindness, politeness etc.
It will take a while, but if you keep being positive with him, he will come out of his shell.
Source...