When Your Parent Is Your Nanny
You have a new baby and the time comes when you need trustworthy childcare.
Having a grandparent available to lend a hand is such a comfortable situation.
Your parent is available and willing to care for your child.
This is wonderful, after all, they raised you and you turned out great! This kind of arrangement can be perfect when based on the best interest of the child.
In any case, all caregivers involved must come together to determine the best approach to the child's care.
Even though you or your partner were raised by this grandparent, your current views on child rearing may contradict with the way you were raised.
How do you make this work for all three parties: child, parent and grandparent? 1.
Discuss expectations beforehand List 5-6 expectations that you have regarding the time spent with your child.
(i.
e.
nap time is always at 5) Ask your parent to do the same.
Take time to look for overlapping expectations while discussing the ones that you may not see eye to eye on.
You aren't going to be present at all times.
You are also mindful that your parent is their own person, with their own way of doing things.
Discussing boundaries beforehand, will give your parent the safe space to be with your child while respecting your requests.
(i.
e.
no more than one juice box per day) 2.
Show gratitude It's easy to go to work, come home to spend some down time with your child and move on with the rest of your day.
However, remember that your own parent spent the day with a toddler.
They may not have had any interaction with another adult that day.
Your coming home gives them a break so to speak, and provides an opportunity to interact with another adult.
Show appreciation for the time the grandparent took out of their day to be with your child and for the support you are receiving.
3.
Forgive yourself It is easy to feel guilty in this situation.
You have to work, so your days are spent completing those responsibilities, while your child spends the day with your parent.
The little time you spend with your child may be limited to dinner and bedtime.
However, your parent can be the best person to keep you present in your child's mind while you are away.
They may look like you, speak like you and generally make the connection between you and your child stronger because of the familial bond.
So forgive yourself for having to work outside the home.
4.
Celebrate together Show your child that all of the adults are working as a team.
Do this by celebrating milestones together.
You can also celebrate one another for the roles you play and your contributions to the child's upbringing.
Take the time to make sure all major expectations and boundaries are addressed before child care begins, to save a ton of time and headaches down the road.
At the end of the day, both parent(s) and grandparent(s) want what is best for the child.
Continue to work together and keep the lines of communication open.
Having a grandparent available to lend a hand is such a comfortable situation.
Your parent is available and willing to care for your child.
This is wonderful, after all, they raised you and you turned out great! This kind of arrangement can be perfect when based on the best interest of the child.
In any case, all caregivers involved must come together to determine the best approach to the child's care.
Even though you or your partner were raised by this grandparent, your current views on child rearing may contradict with the way you were raised.
How do you make this work for all three parties: child, parent and grandparent? 1.
Discuss expectations beforehand List 5-6 expectations that you have regarding the time spent with your child.
(i.
e.
nap time is always at 5) Ask your parent to do the same.
Take time to look for overlapping expectations while discussing the ones that you may not see eye to eye on.
You aren't going to be present at all times.
You are also mindful that your parent is their own person, with their own way of doing things.
Discussing boundaries beforehand, will give your parent the safe space to be with your child while respecting your requests.
(i.
e.
no more than one juice box per day) 2.
Show gratitude It's easy to go to work, come home to spend some down time with your child and move on with the rest of your day.
However, remember that your own parent spent the day with a toddler.
They may not have had any interaction with another adult that day.
Your coming home gives them a break so to speak, and provides an opportunity to interact with another adult.
Show appreciation for the time the grandparent took out of their day to be with your child and for the support you are receiving.
3.
Forgive yourself It is easy to feel guilty in this situation.
You have to work, so your days are spent completing those responsibilities, while your child spends the day with your parent.
The little time you spend with your child may be limited to dinner and bedtime.
However, your parent can be the best person to keep you present in your child's mind while you are away.
They may look like you, speak like you and generally make the connection between you and your child stronger because of the familial bond.
So forgive yourself for having to work outside the home.
4.
Celebrate together Show your child that all of the adults are working as a team.
Do this by celebrating milestones together.
You can also celebrate one another for the roles you play and your contributions to the child's upbringing.
Take the time to make sure all major expectations and boundaries are addressed before child care begins, to save a ton of time and headaches down the road.
At the end of the day, both parent(s) and grandparent(s) want what is best for the child.
Continue to work together and keep the lines of communication open.
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