Should We Be "Just Friends?" - 3 Reasons To Say No
We've all come to the end of what was once an exciting and loving relationship at some point in our lives. Relationships end for a multitude of reasons including infidelity, excessive arguing, or just plain ol' loss of interest in the other person. However, you might find yourself in the awkward position where your soon-to-be ex is suggesting that you still remain friends as they seeming rip your heart out with the breakup in the first place. While it may seem like a good idea at first glance, it's clearly not.
Let me explain. Here are a few reasons why being friends with your ex won't work:
1. You'll Set Yourself Up On The Sidelines
If your ex has suggested that you "just be friends," especially without some kind of formal breakup in the first place, then it is quite likely that he/she is considering their options at this point. They may have lost interest in you for whatever reason, and now they feel like they could possibly do better. On the other hand, they may have already found themselves interested in someone new.
In either case, by keeping you as a friend, they are simply trying to "test the waters" while still keeping you as a fall back of sorts. In other words, if it doesn't work out for them in their new relationship, they take comfort in knowing they can have you back. Essentially, you become their second option or alternative. Why settle for being someone's second choice?
2. You'll Rob Yourself Of Your Own Potential For Happiness
When a relationship ends, especially if it wasn't exactly by choice, we often find ourselves desperately holding on. When your ex suggests that you remain friends, the prospect will be enticing, to say the least. You'll feel compelled to do almost anything to keep that desperate hold on what you once had. Of course, will having your ex in your life "as a friend" really make you happy?
While he/she is enjoying the freedom to explore his/her options, you're left feeling half empty. You'll spend your time dwelling in what once was, constantly waiting with your life on hold for your ex to come back. How can you ever be happy waiting for a second (or third, etc.) chance that you aren't even sure will ever come?
3. You'll Set Yourself Up For More Pain
Let's say, for whatever reason, you've convinced yourself that being friends with your ex is the best option for you. For now, you've alleviated a small amount of the initial pain you felt from the breakup. You're feeling slightly more confident that you can somehow win him/her back now, but will it last?
Think about it this way for a minute. You and your ex might get along fine as friends for awhile provided he/she isn't seeing anyone else. However, sooner or later, they will likely find someone and move on. When that happens, how will it affect you? Your friend, the ex, will eventually become distant and may even end all contact with you because his/her efforts and time will be devoted to the new love in his/her life. Meanwhile, you'll find yourself heartbroken all over again.
Let me explain. Here are a few reasons why being friends with your ex won't work:
1. You'll Set Yourself Up On The Sidelines
If your ex has suggested that you "just be friends," especially without some kind of formal breakup in the first place, then it is quite likely that he/she is considering their options at this point. They may have lost interest in you for whatever reason, and now they feel like they could possibly do better. On the other hand, they may have already found themselves interested in someone new.
In either case, by keeping you as a friend, they are simply trying to "test the waters" while still keeping you as a fall back of sorts. In other words, if it doesn't work out for them in their new relationship, they take comfort in knowing they can have you back. Essentially, you become their second option or alternative. Why settle for being someone's second choice?
2. You'll Rob Yourself Of Your Own Potential For Happiness
When a relationship ends, especially if it wasn't exactly by choice, we often find ourselves desperately holding on. When your ex suggests that you remain friends, the prospect will be enticing, to say the least. You'll feel compelled to do almost anything to keep that desperate hold on what you once had. Of course, will having your ex in your life "as a friend" really make you happy?
While he/she is enjoying the freedom to explore his/her options, you're left feeling half empty. You'll spend your time dwelling in what once was, constantly waiting with your life on hold for your ex to come back. How can you ever be happy waiting for a second (or third, etc.) chance that you aren't even sure will ever come?
3. You'll Set Yourself Up For More Pain
Let's say, for whatever reason, you've convinced yourself that being friends with your ex is the best option for you. For now, you've alleviated a small amount of the initial pain you felt from the breakup. You're feeling slightly more confident that you can somehow win him/her back now, but will it last?
Think about it this way for a minute. You and your ex might get along fine as friends for awhile provided he/she isn't seeing anyone else. However, sooner or later, they will likely find someone and move on. When that happens, how will it affect you? Your friend, the ex, will eventually become distant and may even end all contact with you because his/her efforts and time will be devoted to the new love in his/her life. Meanwhile, you'll find yourself heartbroken all over again.
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