Most of the women who read my blog do so because they are looking for a road map or workable plan to save their marriage when they are the only one that wants to.
Usually the husband has been dropping hints or has just come out and said that he "isn't happy.
" He might also have been alluding to the fact that he's considering leaving and separating.
Unfortunately, these same husbands are sometimes tight lipped as to what it is going to take to change this.
The wives will often ask what they can do or say to get him to stay or change his mind.
But the husband is usually either resistant to this or doesn't know the answer himself.
You will often hear responses like "I'm just not sure if I want to be married anymore.
" Or, "it just feels different now.
" Or, "we've just evolved into two different people.
" These excuses are unfortunate because they really don't give you any concrete answer that you can act upon.
It's impossible to take action based on these vague statements that are only meant to pacify you or to throw you off the trail.
So sometimes, you'll have to do just begin to act on your own and to make some assumptions based on your own observations in order to turn this thing around.
I will discuss this more in the following article.
Reading Between The Lines When He Says He's "Just Not Happy" In The Marriage: Sometimes when men give you these sorts of vague answers, they really aren't trying to be totally evasive.
They sometimes don't even know themselves what, exactly, the problem is.
Their unhappiness may or may not have to do with your marriage.
Sometimes, they are dealing with external things like their job, finances, aging, responsibilities, and the fears that we all struggle with today.
Sometimes, a husband will project these issues onto the marriage and make the mistake of thinking that the marriage (or you) is the problem when really, his unhappiness is due to something else.
And, many wives intuitively realize this, but they get stuck on this fact and harp on it so much that this annoys their husband and only pushes him further away.
They will argue, engage, debate and try to spell out for the husband why he is mistaken and not able to see what is the real problem.
The problem with this though, is that this engaging is likely only going to make your problem worse.
Because at this point, there is no doubt in his mind that this conflict is making him unhappy right now, no matter how this started.
So this only reinforces his questioning that perhaps he would be better off if he took some space, some time, or just left for a while.
I'm not saying that you can't overcome these things if they happen, but you want to avoid this if you can.
Why make things worse if you can avoid it? I know that it can feel like you don't have control over your emotions, but you do have control over your actions and how you respond.
You are much better off coming off as the wife who, no matter why her husband is struggling, wants to help him and places his happiness as high on her list of priorities as her own.
Yes, your husband might be struggling because of things that have nothing to do with you.
But, it's unlikely that it's going to be you who makes him see this.
It's much more unlikely that it's going to be him, and in his own time, at that.
So you are much better off being his safe place to fall and being the person he can come to in order to get support and reprieve from those things that bother him.
Admittedly, he likely doesn't see you as that person right now.
But to change that, you'll need to begin by not allowing him to see you as part of the problem so that he can't even fathom that you would be part of the solution.
Getting Your Husband To Stay When He Claims He Isn't Happy: Usually in times such as these, the husband will begin to think that he might need some space and time to clear his head or to think things through clearly.
It's understandable that you don't want for him to leave, but don't contribute to him seeing you as someone who is always going to try to keep him from getting what he wants.
You are better off if you can offer him some space within your home.
This way, everyone wins and gets what they want.
Offer to go and stay with friends for a while or make yourself scarce and go out with your friends or family on a regular basis.
Make things lighthearted and see if you can lessen the tension.
I know that your inclination might be to do just the opposite.
Sometimes, we become afraid to leave him alone, but honestly, most of the time, the distance and space will work in your favor, especially if you've successfully set yourself up as the person who wants to help him and see that he gets what he wants to regain his happiness.
Ultimately, you want him to see that, much to his surprise, he was wrong in his assumptions.
You want to show him that the two of you can interact in a positive way, that you aren't going to nag him or tell him that he's wrong or selfish.
Instead, you're going to work with him to make things better for the both of you.
This will usually be the beginning of turning this thing around.