Breaking Up is Hard to Do But It"s Doable
Breaking up is hard! After all, it is human nature to avoid that which is unpleasant.
How many times do we leave those dirty dishes in the sink or put that credit card bill in the drawer and move to another more pleasant task? Well breaking up is no different.
People will stay in and relationships and marriages indefinitely because the thought of breaking up is unpleasant.
While ending a relationship is seldom at the top of anybody's "to do list", when a relationship has gone sour, someone will eventually make a move to end it and it might as well be you.
Once you have made the decision to end your relationship you must decide where, when and how to do it.
Many factors come into play.
If you soon to be ex is not expecting it them you must do it in person in a safe and neutral place.
A park, where you have privacy but are also in a public place is a good option.
If the weather doesn't permit, then consider a restaurant that isn't too busy or a café where people tend to come in and out.
Before you meet you need to have your thoughts I order so you can say what you need to say.
Be ready for a variety of responses and have you resolve to stay the course ready.
If you can't meet and have to do it over the phone then so be it.
Be sure to back up your phone call with a letter or email so that you can make sure your thoughts are received in a way that you partner will understand.
You need to be clear on why you want to terminate the romance.
Overly emotional or vague reasons will make the break up more difficult.
Use "I" statements and stick to the facts.
If you partner tries to engage you in a fight or argument suggest that you end the conversation and pick it up at another time when there isn't so much anger or emotion.
You will need a lot of compassion when ending the relationship.
Even if you both want the relationship to end, there will be sadness and emotion.
One of you may want it more than the other; this is a time to be sensitive while at the same time firm.
If you hope to stay friends after the break up, then you will need to conclude your romantic ties with love and compassion.
Keep in mind that a friendship may not be possible and you need to be ready to accept this.
It may also take a long time before you are able to remain friends with your ex.
Try not to put your partner on the defensive.
Stick to the things you've learned and the memories you will cherish from your relationship.
Be present emotionally during the break up.
Be ready to respond to the reactions of your partner.
As I have said, these could be very strong and difficult.
You mustn't take anything personally when ending a relationship.
Your partner may say things (both good and bad) that they don't really mean.
Our emotions can make us say many things.
It is best to let these comments roll off of your back.
You may need to meet more than once to conclude the relationship.
While this is ok, do not get sucked into multiple meetings, this is more likely a ploy to see you.
On the other hand, they may need space and not want to see you at all.
If this is the case, then honor this wish even if you think you have more to say.
Since you are holding the cards by initiating the breakup be sure to give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.
Your partner may try to make you feel badly or guilty.
You must avoid this at all costs.
There is nothing pleasant about a break up but you do not need to feel guilty for wanting to end a relationship.
Relationships end all the time.
Being ready for a new phase in your life is a good thing.
If the relationship can end on appositive note then it is best for everyone.
Your ex may want to leave things opens ended allowing for the possibility for re-connecting.
You must be very careful of this.
You want to make the break clean and swift if you are sure that you want to end the relationship.
Leaving an opening could buy you time for your ex to realize that the relationship is over, but if they really don't want to break up then you would be stringing them along needlessly.
Deciding whether your relationship is over, or whether this struggle will make you stronger as a couple should be thought out before you decide to end it.
How many times do we leave those dirty dishes in the sink or put that credit card bill in the drawer and move to another more pleasant task? Well breaking up is no different.
People will stay in and relationships and marriages indefinitely because the thought of breaking up is unpleasant.
While ending a relationship is seldom at the top of anybody's "to do list", when a relationship has gone sour, someone will eventually make a move to end it and it might as well be you.
Once you have made the decision to end your relationship you must decide where, when and how to do it.
Many factors come into play.
If you soon to be ex is not expecting it them you must do it in person in a safe and neutral place.
A park, where you have privacy but are also in a public place is a good option.
If the weather doesn't permit, then consider a restaurant that isn't too busy or a café where people tend to come in and out.
Before you meet you need to have your thoughts I order so you can say what you need to say.
Be ready for a variety of responses and have you resolve to stay the course ready.
If you can't meet and have to do it over the phone then so be it.
Be sure to back up your phone call with a letter or email so that you can make sure your thoughts are received in a way that you partner will understand.
You need to be clear on why you want to terminate the romance.
Overly emotional or vague reasons will make the break up more difficult.
Use "I" statements and stick to the facts.
If you partner tries to engage you in a fight or argument suggest that you end the conversation and pick it up at another time when there isn't so much anger or emotion.
You will need a lot of compassion when ending the relationship.
Even if you both want the relationship to end, there will be sadness and emotion.
One of you may want it more than the other; this is a time to be sensitive while at the same time firm.
If you hope to stay friends after the break up, then you will need to conclude your romantic ties with love and compassion.
Keep in mind that a friendship may not be possible and you need to be ready to accept this.
It may also take a long time before you are able to remain friends with your ex.
Try not to put your partner on the defensive.
Stick to the things you've learned and the memories you will cherish from your relationship.
Be present emotionally during the break up.
Be ready to respond to the reactions of your partner.
As I have said, these could be very strong and difficult.
You mustn't take anything personally when ending a relationship.
Your partner may say things (both good and bad) that they don't really mean.
Our emotions can make us say many things.
It is best to let these comments roll off of your back.
You may need to meet more than once to conclude the relationship.
While this is ok, do not get sucked into multiple meetings, this is more likely a ploy to see you.
On the other hand, they may need space and not want to see you at all.
If this is the case, then honor this wish even if you think you have more to say.
Since you are holding the cards by initiating the breakup be sure to give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.
Your partner may try to make you feel badly or guilty.
You must avoid this at all costs.
There is nothing pleasant about a break up but you do not need to feel guilty for wanting to end a relationship.
Relationships end all the time.
Being ready for a new phase in your life is a good thing.
If the relationship can end on appositive note then it is best for everyone.
Your ex may want to leave things opens ended allowing for the possibility for re-connecting.
You must be very careful of this.
You want to make the break clean and swift if you are sure that you want to end the relationship.
Leaving an opening could buy you time for your ex to realize that the relationship is over, but if they really don't want to break up then you would be stringing them along needlessly.
Deciding whether your relationship is over, or whether this struggle will make you stronger as a couple should be thought out before you decide to end it.
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