All teenagers go through tough times, and when they do, it's hell to pay for us parents.
The moodiness, the attitudes, defiance and all that other stuff that we as parents try our damnest to stop in our teen.
Call me crazy, but it's not going to happen so you mind as well give up while YOU think you are ahead! The best piece of advice ever given to me was, "YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT THE TEENAGER!" I know, at first I was just like you probably are, jaw dropped in total shock.
However, this piece of advice came from a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in teen behaviors.
Before you click off of this page and never return, please give me a chance to explain.
Try to remember back when you were a teenager.
I'm sure your child is a lot like you were when you were his/her age.
Come on now, admit that they at least get it honestly! Remember the time? Well, your parents were probably the same way you are right now, trying to set rules, boundaries and limits, and ONLY wanting the very best for you, as you want for your own child/ren.
Did they succeed? Be honest with yourself! I'm sure the answer is no.
There is actually a really good reason for all of this.
Psychology shows that we go through different stages in our lives.
A "normal" teenager is one of these stages.
Only, some parents refuse to accept the "norm".
I am NOT in any way condoning delinquent behaviors.
For that, I suggest you get your child the appropriate help they need.
I'm talking about the teens that give us a run for our money with the power struggle.
Again, you are not going to win no matter how much you try! This crucial part of their lives is a monumental milestone that, believe it or not, will determine the kind of adult they will come.
Just because your child is getting bad grades, hanging with the wrong crowd and wants nothing to do with you, DOES NOT MEAN that they will grow up to be a bad adult! That's the part that is a myth.
In their teenage live's, this is where they learn the most lessons.
Trust me, I was a living Hell on wheels from the moment I hit the age 14 & I didn't settle down until around 18.
I couldn't.
Life was moving too fast.
I did, however, learn more about life during that period than I ever have! The teenage years prepares your child for the future.
It's a crazy world out there, as we all know.
Before, your little ones were shielded by you.
They were protected at all costs.
They were allowed to play in the sand, but not allowed near the water.
Now, they have stepped into those waters and the under tow has dragged them in, even against their will.
Don't worry Mom.
They will go under, swallow some water, be pushed & shoved around by the rugged sea, but eventually a wave will return them to your shore, aware of the dangers that lie ahead and prepared to swim.
It does hurt like hell to realize this.
I have to go through it 5 times over, and each time, with each one of my children, it gets harder.
I'm going to give you an example...
When I was a teen, I fell head over heels in love.
My parents didn't like my boyfriend, not even a little.
There was NO good that they could see in him, none! This pissed me off so much & that caused me to rebel.
I wanted him more only because my parents didn't approve.
My parents tried to warn me that he was worthless and they saw something in him that I didn't.
It didn't matter, I loved him, and my parents were making it even easier for me to love him.
Everything in our relationship was perfect.
He treated me like a queen..
..
at first.
Then he changed, for the worse.
He beat on me, left me black and blue in the hospital.
It really was an unfortunate experience for me, for him and for my parents.
I NEEDED to go through this.
It helped me in the long run! Yes, of course, I had to go back and tell my parents that they were right.
And your child/ren will too.
However, had I not gone through this terrible situation, experiencing every bit for myself, just listening & abiding by what my parents said, I would probably be with the one they loved, who treated me like shit behind closed doors.
I grew from this situation.
I learned the warning signs and I never ever stuck around in another relationship to go through that again.
I praise myself today for rebelling against my parents when I was a teen.
They never won...
but it was only for the better.
The best thing to do for your teen is to listen to what they are saying.
Reason with them.
Trust them enough to do the right thing.
And no matter what, don't ever let them think that you have turned your back on them.
It's okay.
They are going to win this gruesome battle.
They are going to come out on top after all.
And when they do, there will be nobody more proud of them than you.
Because just letting them win for a couple of years in their lives will make you the hero in the end.