Is it impossible to save your marriage at this point? No, not impossible! Four steps need to be followed, and I'll discuss these below in the proper order, and tell you precisely what to do when and how.
The Four Steps spell the word "love.
" I have put them into an acronym: L.
O.
V.
E.
L stands for liking.
O stands for Openness V stands for Value E stands for Encouragement Like Your Partner Let me put it this way.
If you don't like one another, and don't put an effort into liking one another (yes, you can deepen a feeling of liking another person), then what chance do you have of saving the marriage in a way that's satisfying? Stop for a moment and put all those complaints aside.
What are the things you like about your partner? What do you really like, respect or enjoy about him or her? Make a list of 10 things.
Remember, you are reading this article to understand how to save the marriage.
You cannot hope to save the marriage in any satisfying way unless you and your partner can think of at least 10 things you like about each other.
I promise you that much.
Be Open Most people like to think they have an "open mind.
" And that they have an "open heart.
" We all like to think we are reasonable, considerate people, and that if someone really takes the time to know us, they will like us.
Well it may be time to re-think that a little bit, because if your partner is not happy in your marriage, just maybe there is something about you, your thinking, feeling and behavior, that needs some work.
So to that end, write down the ten ways that you have contributed to the problems in your marriage.
What have you done that has made you hard to live with, that has disappointed or frustrated your partner? What have you said or done that would alienate or distance your partner from you? Write out ten things.
If you don't write them out, they won't be real to you.
If you do write them out, then it gives you some clear direction of things you can work on, whether your partner gets with the program or not.
After all, you're the only person whose behavior you can really change, right? Give Value People get together for many reasons, but they stay together - at least when they're really satisfied - for one reason and one reason alone: because they get value from being with the other person.
If there's no value, then there's no "fuel" for the relationship.
If you're not really getting something of value from the other person you won't really choose to be with them.
You might stay but you won't like it or find value in it.
Get out that notepad and write down the 10 things that you give of value to your partner that he (she) really wants! Not just the things you would expect to be appreciated for, but the things he (she) really truly values.
Not what you value but what your partner values! Can't think of many? Well there's your homework, come up with more value you can offer that your partner really wants.
Encourage What is it we most want from our partners? Some might say sex, attention, cooperation, time, respect, love, or communication.
I agree those things are all valuable and desirable.
But there's something else we want and need even more, and that's encouragement.
No matter how old, successful or mature you get in this life, you still want someone to recognize you and encourage you.
Figure out something each day for the coming week, one thing a day, that you can encourage your partner about that he or she is doing and maybe finding challenging or frustrating.
Encourage your partner to go forward and have "courage.
" Praise your partner for his or her efforts.
Have Courage and Take These Four Steps in How to Save the Marriage Try the four steps.
First, because it gives you something you can be in control of rather than waiting on your partner to be different.
Second, because you may be an inspiration to others including your partner by taking the "high road" of working on yourself.
And third, because you really have nothing to lose by doing the steps, and potentially everything to gain.