The tongue has the power of both life and death.
Sometimes we don't even realize that what we say carries so much weight.
Since you are a social creature, what other people think of you impacts you greatly.
That is why we must be careful what we communicate to our spouse.
If we are constantly negative and critical, it will impact how they feel about themselves and how they communicate to us.
So here are three simple rules that will help cut the negativity and start to build the positive lines of communication.
Tip One: Throw out sarcasm.
Sarcasm is an easy trap to fall into.
We use it as a relief valve for pent-up frustration.
What we mean as a passing comment of irritation can stay with our spouse for days, weeks, even a lifetime.
Is it any wonder that the word sarcasm comes from the Greek word that means, "to tear flesh.
" That definition says it all.
The words we speak so carelessly can rip a person apart and damage our relationship.
So make the commitment to speak frankly to your lover about your irritations.
Don't hide behind sarcasm.
That's right, when you use sarcasm you are hiding.
You are saying that you don't want to have an open conversation in which both people's feelings are considered in the final judgment - you just want your way.
Tip Two: Use silence as a comma in the conversation.
When you begin to talk honestly and openly about your feelings a funny thing happens, your feelings get stirred up.
When you feel yourself getting defensive - stop.
Do not feel like you must keep hammering at your lover because your emotions will betray a productive conversation.
It is okay to sit in silence for five minutes for you both to cool off a little.
The one thing that you must not do is use silence as a weapon.
The art of an argument is not to be right but to find an appropriate middle ground.
Silence is only to be used as a tool to keep you two cool enough to approach that middle ground.
The motto of your relationship should be "there is a place beyond where we are right or wrong to where we agree - I will meet you there.
" Tip Three: Use positive speech.
When you learn to cut out sarcasm you will create a void.
The best thing to do is to learn to positively praise your spouse for the things they do right.
Praise is the best way to encourage right behavior and discourage negative behavior.
It goes back to us being social creatures.
We want to be around people and we will do a lot to make sure our relationships continue.
It is important to us.
So when someone tells us we are doing a good job in an area, it is like giving a blue print on how to build a better relationship.
We will continue that behavior while adding new behaviors that are similar.
As simple as it sounds, praise and compliments are the best way to change your marriage.
And this is not being insincere.
We all want to know that we are doing a good job and need that feedback if we are to continue to do so.
Try these three easy steps and see if you relationship does not improve.
Know that what you say has huge weight in the relationship.
When you speak positive things, positive things happen.
Just remember that once your start this process, you will be going against years of entrenched behavior.
So if this don't go right the first couple times, it is just part of retraining yourself and your spouse.
Do not give up, the rewards could just last a lifetime.