So what exactly is jealousy in relationships? It's a little hard to define isn't it? It's a feeling that you know and recognize but when you try to put a finger to it you find out that it is multifaceted.
It's a mixed feeling isn't it? It's a sense of resentment or anger that is mixed with suspicion toward your partner or love interest? But it also has an element of protectiveness and yearning for your partner or love interest.
An assorted bag of emotions that tug at you in different directions! Now if you can identify with this complicated and intricate emotion then let us look at some myths about jealousy in relationships.
1.
A self respecting person is not jealous.
Yeah right! You do know that this makes no sense don't you? Although we often feel like we are being petty...
like somehow it would be better to be in total control of our emotions all the time.
Unfortunately for those of us who feel this way feelings are equal opportunity visitors; they come to all of us regardless of who we are and the appearance that we want to project.
Every person has the potential for jealousy given the right trigger.
2.
Jealousy is a bad thing.
Jealousy in relationships serves to help you and your partner negotiate relationship barriers so that you both know the type and level of relationships with other people that are acceptable to the other.
If used properly it can help you both define what you can and should not do.
3.
Jealousy is to be avoided at all costs.
This seems so logical but does it make sense? But how do you avoid an emotion that comes upon you? I think what you need to avoid is jealousy that is based on your insecurities as opposed to something that your partner is doing or not doing.
It is a natural emotion that comes to you when you feel threatened and you must face it.
4.
If you pretend that you are not jealous the feeling will go away.
If you are in a love relationship then this does not work as your feelings of jealousy just come out in inappropriate ways.
You may have experienced this when a partner gets angry after you had a great interaction with someone else and they pretended it was well but later they just said and did some really inappropriate things.
Like all emotions you must learn to deal with it appropriately.
5.
The more jealous your partner is the more they love you.
This is one of the most damaging relationship myth and its spread is often helped by the initial feelings of flattery that we feel and the romantic notions that we have that 'deep jealousy=deep and abiding love'.
Nip this one in the bud or you will be stuck in a relationship with Mr.
/Ms.
control freak who just cannot stand to see you relate to any other human being.
Jealousy and its depth is determined by the individual and its depth is a reflection of who your partner is.
6.
Jealousy is unhealthy.
Jealousy in relationships can be healthy or unhealthy depending on what it's based on and how you both deal with it.
If it's based on paranoia or personal insecurities then it's unhealthy.
If you both don't face it headlong and get to its root and solve what needs solving honestly and amicably then it becomes unhealthy.
7.
If you feel jealous then you must be in love.
Jealousy does not mean that you are in love but it does mean that you are attracted to the person arousing these feelings in you.
In such cases you need to look at your feelings of jealousy in light of your overall feelings toward this person.
If you are jealous of someone you know you can never be in relationship with then take a deep breath and wait it out...
it will pass! If you avoid confronting and dealing with your jealousy in your relationship then you will only have a superficial relationship with a vague relationship barriers that none of you is clear about.
A tried and sure path to relationship dissatisfaction!