We've had countless Christmas Eve's and Christmas Mornings and Christmas dinner celebrations with our family.
I love the decorations and Christmas music.
It was such fun to enjoy the holiday through the eyes of small children.
We had four.
They are now all grown and two are married.
We still get together to celebrate but also must share our grown children with their new families.
Once they have small children, I'm certain they will want their own celebrations.
This past year, I sought for more meaning aside from attending church services, eating way too much food and the exchange of gifts.
Sometimes the commercialism of the season overwhelms me.
I see Christmas decorations the day after Halloween.
I solicited my family to assist at the local soup kitchen on Christmas Eve.
I had volunteered at the soup kitchen and knew how much the help would be appreciated.
I proposed doing the meaningful activity starting mid afternoon with the food preparation followed by serving the food to the area needy and homeless.
Once the kitchen was cleaned and closed, I invited all the family to come back to our home for some desserts, gifts and midnight mass.
At first, there was some interest expressed and then reluctance to alter our established traditions began to creep in.
I chose to attend the soup kitchen alone but my heart felt heavy.
Imagine the thrill I felt when after about a half an hour of peeling potatoes, I looked up to see my family.
They donned aprons and got busy! Other families stopped by wearing their holiday finery to drop off coats, boots and assorted wrapped gifts labeled appropriately for boy age 4-7 or girl gift for age 3-5.
Soon a table was covered with gifts of many sizes.
It was wonderful to see others share their good fortune with those that were not as fortunate.
The food was ready for serving and hungry patrons were lining up outside in the cold.
The volunteers had all gathered in the kitchen, stood in a large circle and held hands while a prayer was shared.
We all ate a small meal before the doors were opened to let the line of hungry people flow in.
We all had assignments.
Some poured beverages, some served soup, some served salad, and others served the entrée.
I was assigned to hand out the gifts from the table.
As children filed past the table their eyes were drawn to the gaily wrapped gifts.
I encouraged them to eat first but made mental notes as to which child might fit into the donated winter jackets and snow pants and boots.
I noted the young boys and girls and started setting aside some of the gift boxes.
We served over 200 hungry people that evening! I was able to make many children smile with delight as I distributed the gifts.
The gifts dwindled until only three wrapped boxes remained.
All had tags that read girl gift.
A single mother came around the corner and was followed by three young daughters.
I gave each a box and wished them all a very Merry Christmas.
My heart dropped like a stone as one last young girl skipped around the corner to join their group.
Her sisters were clutching the gift boxes.
She looked from me to the empty table next to me.
Her bottom lip came out and started to quiver.
In my mind, I willed her older sister, aged approximately eight or nine to give her gift to her little sister but that didn't happen.
I got down on my knees and explained that I was sorry but there weren't anymore gifts.
I offered a hug which she took.
The family left and my earlier high was greatly affected by my experience.
My family went home and shared our planned celebration.
In the morning, our youngest college age daughter and my husband and I shared Christmas morning while our other children enjoyed Christmas Day with other relatives.
I couldn't stop seeing the young girl's crestfallen face from the night before.
I spoke with my husband who was watching a Christmas movie on television.
He reminded me of how tight our financial situation was and how expensive the holiday always was with food and gifts.
He encouraged me to drop it.
I tried to but could not.
Early afternoon, I piled my two dogs into the back of my eleven year old 4 Runner and drove off to walk the dog park with them.
I had fifteen dollars of my own money in my pocket.
The dog park fence was across the parking lot entrance.
No dog park for us.
I drove by Wal-Mart.
Not a car in the lot.
I drove by Target which was deserted.
I saw a Walgreens that was open.
I went in and looked over the well picked toy shelves.
I found a monkey game with net rigging and plastic monkeys that were launched into the net.
I also found a small package of pink and purple plastic bracelets.
I went to the cashier and she tallied the two items.
My total was $15.
03.
I offered to run out to my truck to get 3 cents from the coins in my ashtray.
She said, "Don't do that, I happen to have 3 pennies in my pocket".
I told her the purpose of the purchase and she smiled and wished me a Merry Christmas.
It felt merrier! I went home and told my husband what I had done.
I wrapped the gifts and added a small stocking filled with candies from our stash.
I placed a name tag on it and wrote, "To the pretty little girl in a purple shirt", Love Santa.
I drove over to the soup kitchen and found a person in charge who knew the family.
She took the shopping bag from me and assured me it would be delivered to the correct child.
I smiled as I drove home.
Now, it really felt like Christmas to me.