Sometimes people cannot help who they fall in love with. For example, one woman who always considered herself a dyke was taken aback when she fell in love with a man. That is, until the man realized he was really a woman.

Ani and Steve met at a community radio station where they each hosted radio programs. Ani, 37 had identified as queer since high school. She was president of the women?s union in college and co-founder of the lesbian alliance.

Yet, she found herself falling in love with Steve. She was confused.

Many of her lesbian friends had a hard time accepting that she was seeing a man. Although Ani struggled with her identity, she knew that she and Steve had a connection that she could not deny.

Together, the two spent many hours talking about gender. ?I?m a radical feminist,? she says. ?Studying gender and thinking gender has always been fascinating to me. I was really happy that I had this partner that was into thinking about gender at a real deep level with me.? As their relationship deepened, Ani began to see signs of gender questioning in Steve.

Although Steve had told Ani that he occasionally cross-dressed, about two years into the relationship, he started to do it more often. Ani started to think that Steve might be transsexual and introduced him to a trans woman that she knew. Eventually Steve came out as Theresa.

For Ani, Steve?s transition to Theresa was a relief. ?I could go back to being dyke-identified,? she says.