Validating Your Spouse
There is a topic that I have wanted to write about: Validating your spouse.
While most of this article is addressed to women, I hope you guys can get something out of it as well.
Many times, I've seen a wife say to her husband, "You're not going to put that nasty _____ on our wall!" Now, substitute deer head, fish, or any other dead animal in that blank.
Or, she has said, "You're not going to hang that tacky _____ in my house!" Another version is, "You are not going to put that ratty old recliner in our new den!" (Ladies, do you see anything familiar there?) Okay.
I was brought up in South Georgia.
Hunting, fishing and football, reign supreme here as favorite male pastimes.
(Some women are into those things as well!) I grew up with a father that loved hunting & fishing.
My older brother & I went with him on many of these expeditions.
Now, Daddy really never was a "trophy" hunter, or fisherman.
He really didn't have a chance to hunt in an area with really big bucks, or lakes with really big fish.
So, Momma didn't have to deal with the hanging of dead animals on her walls very often! But, the point of this is not about home decor; it's about validating your spouse.
I really don't want to decorate my home with dead animals on the wall; but, if it was important to Martin...
then, I'd help him arrange his display.
If he loved a ratty old recliner & wanted it in our den, then I'd ask him if I could find a slipcover for it...
and we'd put it wherever he wanted to.
The other example of wives/women not validating their spouse has to do with house cleaning & grocery shopping.
I once saw a couple, with their young toddler, buying groceries in one of those "bag-your-own," discount-grocery stores.
They were probably in their early twenties.
As they were checking out, the husband stepped up, and began to bag the groceries.
The wife was standing by the shopping cart, and began to berate him for how he was bagging the food! (No, he wasn't putting the canned food on top of the bread or eggs!) She was "all over" him, about which things he put into what bags.
She totally disrespected him, and "talked down" to him...
more like a mother scolding a child, than a wife to her husband! I felt awful for that poor guy! She stepped over, and literally pushed him aside...
and started doing it herself!! I watched his face...
and the complete look of failure and hurt there.
Then, anger replaced the emotions.
They argued all the way out of the store, & were still arguing at their car.
I have heard many women say, "He doesn't know how to clean the right way! I don't let him clean the house.
" Um, okay...
what she means is, he doesn't do it her way.
Ladies, when you behave like this...
and say or do things like the examples I've given...
you are telling your man that: 1- His ideas or wishes are no good, and yours are far more important than his; 2- He is obviously stupid, and he needs you to correct him.
Why do women do this? Do we not see the message we are sending to our spouse? Is it really more important for a husband to "do it your way;" or, validate him for wanting to help? When you put him down for wanting to hang something on the wall, or wanting to put that old chair in the den...
you are telling him he is not important.
What he wants does not matter to you.
If you have a husband who is willing to share the household chores...
be happy! "So what?", if he does it differently than you.
If the toilet or tub or floor is clean when he is done, then it shouldn't matter how he did it.
Wives/women, I invite you to think about these examples.
Have you been this woman? Why do you have these behaviors? Is your husband/partner important to you? Are his feelings important to you? Do you love him? Well, if he is important, & you love him, then you need to recognize that your words & actions show him how you feel.
Don't send him the wrong message.
While most of this article is addressed to women, I hope you guys can get something out of it as well.
Many times, I've seen a wife say to her husband, "You're not going to put that nasty _____ on our wall!" Now, substitute deer head, fish, or any other dead animal in that blank.
Or, she has said, "You're not going to hang that tacky _____ in my house!" Another version is, "You are not going to put that ratty old recliner in our new den!" (Ladies, do you see anything familiar there?) Okay.
I was brought up in South Georgia.
Hunting, fishing and football, reign supreme here as favorite male pastimes.
(Some women are into those things as well!) I grew up with a father that loved hunting & fishing.
My older brother & I went with him on many of these expeditions.
Now, Daddy really never was a "trophy" hunter, or fisherman.
He really didn't have a chance to hunt in an area with really big bucks, or lakes with really big fish.
So, Momma didn't have to deal with the hanging of dead animals on her walls very often! But, the point of this is not about home decor; it's about validating your spouse.
I really don't want to decorate my home with dead animals on the wall; but, if it was important to Martin...
then, I'd help him arrange his display.
If he loved a ratty old recliner & wanted it in our den, then I'd ask him if I could find a slipcover for it...
and we'd put it wherever he wanted to.
The other example of wives/women not validating their spouse has to do with house cleaning & grocery shopping.
I once saw a couple, with their young toddler, buying groceries in one of those "bag-your-own," discount-grocery stores.
They were probably in their early twenties.
As they were checking out, the husband stepped up, and began to bag the groceries.
The wife was standing by the shopping cart, and began to berate him for how he was bagging the food! (No, he wasn't putting the canned food on top of the bread or eggs!) She was "all over" him, about which things he put into what bags.
She totally disrespected him, and "talked down" to him...
more like a mother scolding a child, than a wife to her husband! I felt awful for that poor guy! She stepped over, and literally pushed him aside...
and started doing it herself!! I watched his face...
and the complete look of failure and hurt there.
Then, anger replaced the emotions.
They argued all the way out of the store, & were still arguing at their car.
I have heard many women say, "He doesn't know how to clean the right way! I don't let him clean the house.
" Um, okay...
what she means is, he doesn't do it her way.
Ladies, when you behave like this...
and say or do things like the examples I've given...
you are telling your man that: 1- His ideas or wishes are no good, and yours are far more important than his; 2- He is obviously stupid, and he needs you to correct him.
Why do women do this? Do we not see the message we are sending to our spouse? Is it really more important for a husband to "do it your way;" or, validate him for wanting to help? When you put him down for wanting to hang something on the wall, or wanting to put that old chair in the den...
you are telling him he is not important.
What he wants does not matter to you.
If you have a husband who is willing to share the household chores...
be happy! "So what?", if he does it differently than you.
If the toilet or tub or floor is clean when he is done, then it shouldn't matter how he did it.
Wives/women, I invite you to think about these examples.
Have you been this woman? Why do you have these behaviors? Is your husband/partner important to you? Are his feelings important to you? Do you love him? Well, if he is important, & you love him, then you need to recognize that your words & actions show him how you feel.
Don't send him the wrong message.
Source...