Protecting Children During Divorce - 3 Methods to Ease Their Emotional Transition
Emotions are generally raw during a divorce process, but they are particularly charged than when it comes to issues pertaining to the children.
The kids are caught in a transition process they didn't choose and it is often very traumatic for them, particularly if they are seeing the emotional conflicts of their parents playing out before their eyes.
There are some steps you can take to minimize this kind of damage in your children and keep the divorce transition as emotionally smooth as possible for them.
Here are 3 methods to ease your children's emotional transition during the difficult process of divorce: 1.
Never badmouth your spouse, their parent, when they can overhear you.
Of course you may be going through hurt, betrayal, even agony yourself, but just because your intimate relationship with your partner is ending, it doesn't mean that the parent child relationship shouldn't be respected.
Don't put the kinds in the untenable position of having to "choose" which parent to side with, or expecting your kids to give you emotional support and validation for what you are going through.
That is what your adult support network is for.
2.
Don't apologize and take blame upon yourself for the divorce, and do not put the blame on your partner.
This attaches fault in your children's minds and makes the divorce even more of a "bad thing" instead of another one of life's changes.
If you left the marriage because of abuse, addiction, or infidelity, you do not want to frame leaving that situation as a bad thing because it isn't.
3.
Honor your children's emotions by mirroring and reflecting back what you hear them saying to you emotionally about their experience, and offer age appropriate truth.
While you may not be apologizing, you can say something like, "What I hear you saying is that you are hurt and upset that this is happening.
" If they ask why, you can truthfully respond, "Well, daddy and mommy just seem to get along better when we don't live in the same house, and I can be a better mommy to you.
" If you are unsure what to say to your children, consult a counselor to get specifics on what is appropriate for age and situation.
The kids are caught in a transition process they didn't choose and it is often very traumatic for them, particularly if they are seeing the emotional conflicts of their parents playing out before their eyes.
There are some steps you can take to minimize this kind of damage in your children and keep the divorce transition as emotionally smooth as possible for them.
Here are 3 methods to ease your children's emotional transition during the difficult process of divorce: 1.
Never badmouth your spouse, their parent, when they can overhear you.
Of course you may be going through hurt, betrayal, even agony yourself, but just because your intimate relationship with your partner is ending, it doesn't mean that the parent child relationship shouldn't be respected.
Don't put the kinds in the untenable position of having to "choose" which parent to side with, or expecting your kids to give you emotional support and validation for what you are going through.
That is what your adult support network is for.
2.
Don't apologize and take blame upon yourself for the divorce, and do not put the blame on your partner.
This attaches fault in your children's minds and makes the divorce even more of a "bad thing" instead of another one of life's changes.
If you left the marriage because of abuse, addiction, or infidelity, you do not want to frame leaving that situation as a bad thing because it isn't.
3.
Honor your children's emotions by mirroring and reflecting back what you hear them saying to you emotionally about their experience, and offer age appropriate truth.
While you may not be apologizing, you can say something like, "What I hear you saying is that you are hurt and upset that this is happening.
" If they ask why, you can truthfully respond, "Well, daddy and mommy just seem to get along better when we don't live in the same house, and I can be a better mommy to you.
" If you are unsure what to say to your children, consult a counselor to get specifics on what is appropriate for age and situation.
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