Renowned writer and novelist Michael Korda once said, "In order to succeed you must first believe that you can.
" The timeless value of knowing one's true worth embodied in this saying was something I lacked well into my 30s.
Oh I'd always had an urge to be successful at everything I turned my hand to for I always tried my very best and I did it with pride.
But deep down and unbeknown to anyone else, I saw myself as flawed goods and lived in constant fear of the 'truth' being found out about me.
Standing before groups as a public speaker therefore, was something far too scary and way beyond my possibilities.
Always ask for help.
I grew up in a dysfunctional, single parent household with no father figure to guide me and many was the day that I felt very lonely.
For the first couple of years in primary school I was a talented artist and could also write a good story but this didn't last long.
One day in grade 3 the teacher filled the blackboard with a lengthy sum of long division and try as I might I just couldn't fathom what it all meant.
From that moment on a terrible phobia of mathematics took hold of me and never left me for more than 25 years.
Being dragged to the front of the class each day by old Ludge in year 7 and laid into with a big leather strap for not understanding algebra didn't do a great deal to help.
By the time I was 13 I'd had enough and simply ran away from school to work in a junk yard.
For years I was ashamed of who I was and what I stood for.
I was ashamed of the pitiful journey I had travelled.
My self-esteem was non-existent and I lived in constant fear of being confronted with any form of mathematics.
But most of all I was ashamed of living the lie that I was okay and not being able to tell anyone about it.
It wasn't until I had the courage to ask someone for help 25 years later and go back to school as a mature-age student that I was able to re-evaluate myself, turn things around and start enjoying my life! Discover your passion! I now go about my life in a positive frame of mind where I'm in a position to express myself freely and speak up when necessary instead of feeling inadequate and remaining silent.
Today I stand before audiences and speak with a passion about 'Believing and Achieving'.
I speak with a passion about casting off our fears and tapping into our unlimited potential.
I speak with a passion on the wealth of accumulated expertise and life skills we've all picked up along the way.
And I speak with a passion about how everyone, with a little help, can communicate with confidence so that people respect and appreciate what they have to say.
Do my listeners believe me? You bet they do! They believe me because they're in the presence of an authority on the subject who speaks with conviction.
They believe me because they're in the presence of someone who now - at long last - believes in himself.
Make the most of who you are.
Nowadays few things bother me.
Once, while speaking to a group of importers and exporters about public speaking effectiveness I was put on the spot by someone calling out: "Hey it's alright for you.
You were born with this gift-of-the-gab and confidence - but what about the rest of us?" Momentarily thrown, I thought for a moment then said: "Let me tell you a story.
" I then took them on a journey of a little boy who had lost his dad when he was three and had no choice but to blunder through life without a father figure to guide him when he needed it most.
It was only when he started his own family four decades later that he was able to discover the joys of being a dad and the things he had missed out on as a child.
So confidence in having something to say and expressing himself effectively did not come easy for young Laurie Smale and it took many painful years of trial, error and self-doubt before he got himself together.
"The person standing before you today," I told this audience "is someone who knows he is not perfect but has learned to focus on the needs of others instead of constantly worrying about his own perceived shortcomings and what others may be thinking of him.
What's more, the journey I was once so ashamed of is now my own font of priceless learnings and wisdom from which I constantly draw inspiration".
While I was packing my things up, a young man came up to me and thanked me for my talk.
"I'm pleased" I said.
"I'm glad you got something out of it".
"No, no" he said, "It means much more to me than that".
He then went on to tell me an incredible story of what happened to him when he was 17.
He arrived home from school one day to find his best friend, his dad, lying dead on the floor.
This was the person who had nurtured him and sat him on his knee teaching him everything he knows about computers and life.
At first he thought his dad was sleeping but soon realised that he was gone.
*Bill went on to tell me that for the past 5 years he had carried a terrible burden of guilt for the part he probably played in the loss of his dad.
What had he done wrong? What could he have done to help? He stood there deep in thought then quietly answered these questions himself.
"Your talk today has made me feel a lot better for I now realize what happened wasn't my fault at all and my dad would understand this.
" Full of emotion, he warmly shook my hand then disappeared into the crowd.
About 3 months later I received an email from a 'Bill' in Scotland.
I thought; "Who on earth is Bill in Scotland?" Then it dawned on me that it was the young Bill who confided in me after my talk.
His email went on to tell me that he was working for a company servicing North Sea oil rigs with supplies and thought I might like to know this.
I was touched.
My talk had meant so much to him that he wanted to let the person who had set him free from his self-imposed guilt know that he was now okay with only positive memories to cherish of his dad.
Sometimes we don't realize just how much of an impression a talk can make on our listeners.
And as speakers, a magic connection such as this can only happen when we too cast off the conditioned baggage we've gathered along life's journey and truly accept being the imperfect person we are.
Make no mistake; self-acceptance is a vital key to unlocking your natural communicating abilities.
The great thinker Ralph Waldo Emerson sums this up nicely: Make the most of who you are for that is all there is of you.
Know your journey is of immense value.
So it doesn't matter what side of the tracks you come from, whether you're rich or poor, or what your level of education is; it doesn't matter whether your parents were Spanish subsistence farmers who arrived here with nothing more than the clothes on their backs or you've simply found it tough to get where you are.
What really matters is how you see yourself and what value you put on yourself today.
Keep in mind that you are this person of value not in spite of, but because of the journey you've travelled.
Knowing who you are, where you've been, where you're at, and all the lessons you've learnt along the way will generate a quiet confidence within you so you'll walk tall and no longer see yourself as a hapless victim of circumstance.
Your listeners will know they're in the presence of someone with immense self-value who knows what they're talking about.
And the exciting thing is your knowledge and expertise is ever-expanding.
Most important, you now know your journey is not something to be ashamed of and keep hidden, or something to be fearful of that may be found out.
In fact, at the right time and place a bit of self-disclosure of the journey you've travelled will help your listeners relate to you and learn from your mistakes.
To sum up, keep the following points in mind and you'll always radiate your own unique Presence as a speaker: The journey of each person in your audience has a lot in common with yours.
They're sitting there with the same sort of triumphs, joys, worries and challenges running through their heads that you experience.
So it's your job as speaker to put all the pressing things of the moment in your life aside and focus on these particular people and theirs.
Take them on a brief journey of Hope and Inspiration by way of real stories they can relate to.
Remember from an effective speaker's point of view you're not the centre of attention at all.
Your focus should be on all these people who have gone out of their way to learn from you...
and it's this 'Presence' they'll appreciate most.
*Not his real name