Parenting a child through addiction is hard work.
When you find a counselor to guide your teenager and your family toward recovery, it's a relief to realize you're not handling this on your own anymore.
Now you have help-your counselor, support groups, an AA sponsor.
But you still have a key role to play in supporting your child's recovery.
Positive Parenting Time We've talked the last couple of weeks about holding kids accountable.
Clear rules are something your child needs from you right now.
But it's important to remember: Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.
That's why I encourage parents to make intentional time to reconnect with their kids.
Make it an island where topics like the past, addiction, grades and other hot-button issues are strictly off-limits.
Set up a weekly time when you get together as father and son, or mother and daughter.
(Father-daughter or mother-son time is good, too, of course.
But in many cases, teenagers have more conflict with the same-gender parent.
That makes positive connections especially important to cultivate.
) One week, the parent chooses the activity; the next week, the child does.
Each of you has to be willing to go along with the other's suggestion.
It's easy to lose sight of the person underneath the behavior.
Spending fun time together, set apart from the problems and issues that generate stress and conflict, is a powerful way to restore your relationship.
You never cancel this time as a consequence for your teenager's choices.
Instead, it's a chance for you to demonstrate unconditional positive regard for your child.
Support through AA Parents can also encourage adolescents to truly engage in the relationship with their AA sponsor.
Kids trapped in addiction develop two lives-the one they show everyone and the darker life that revolves around drug or alcohol dependence.
Your teenager has worked very hard to keep those two lives separate.
In connecting with their sponsor, they're challenged to bridge that gap.
It's an adjustment for them to relate to someone positive in their life and share honestly about those dark things they're battling.
Kids should meet with their sponsor weekly.
They may get together one-on-one before or after a group meeting.
The sponsor acts as a guide to working through the 12 steps, offering personalized support beyond the general meetings.
Attending AA meetings is also an important source of support.
Teenagers see that other people have the same struggles they do.
Sometimes they think they're not old enough to have a serious substance abuse problem.
So it's helpful for them to see other young people who are also trying to get their lives together.
When kids share their struggles honestly, other people often come up to them after the meeting and talk about their own experiences.
AA offers a community of shared understanding and support that can really help your child's recovery.
I often have to implore parents to allow their child to seek out support from people at AA meetings.
Yes, there will be people outside of the meeting smoking, and some of the people will look a little rough.
But this facet of support is an invaluable component of early recovery.
AA members aren't perfect-neither is your teenager.
Watching other imperfect people successfully stay clean and sober sends a powerful message to your child: If they can do it, maybe I can, too.
Peers can also be a source of positive support, but not all friendships function that way.
The sponsor and the AA community can help teenagers see how to seek support from friends and recognize when peers are part of the problem.