Rachel never wore makeup through high school.
She didn't think she needed it.
She never paid attention to how she looked, which was easy since she had always attended an all-girls school filled with uniforms and uniformity.
At some point in high school, however, she decided to start looking more closely at her face.
She found flaws.
She could see her tiny pores and it appeared that dirt cluttered the tiny specs.
She started to pick at them.
Eventually, she became obsessed with her face.
She picked at her face for hours, sitting in front of the mirror as time went by.
Sometimes her picking would create more flaws - scabs, puffy zits, and swollen red marks.
Rachel's obsession became anxiety provoking.
She started to avoid looking at people since she did not want them to see her face.
She was incredibly worried about what people would think of her.
Surely they would see her ugliness as she did.
Rachel's anxiety grew about her appearance.
She grew her hair long so she could let it hang over her face.
She spent hours in the bathroom trying to "fix" her flaws by picking away at her skin.
Rachel's self-inflicted blemishes forced her to find ways to cover them up.
She started to pour on the makeup, although she looked ridiculous with the thickness that piled on her face.
In her marriage, Rachel found she could never be seen without makeup.
She would wash her face after her spouse went to bed and immediately put on make up when she awoke.
When her spouse slept, she would slip into her massacring identity and hack at her face for hours.
She was alone; no one would know what she was doing.
Her obsession and anxiety infringed on her life.
She lost sight of everything outside her mirror, which affected her mood, self-esteem, and activities.
Rachel needed help, but was embarrassed by her "issue" so worked on it alone.
When she piled on activities to keep her busy at night, she was unable to take part in her ritual.
This helped.
She forced herself to focus on outside events until she had control over and defeated her obsession.
It took time and years for Rachel to actually let go of her irrational thoughts and anxiety regarding her appearance.
Occasionally she slipped back into her self-defeating behavior; however, she was completely in control of her issue.