Top Signs that a Mid-Life Crisis is Ruining Your Marriage
Even love and marriage are vulnerable to the disastrous effects of mid-life crises. Both men and women - albeit to a lesser degree - are at the risk of undergoing a mid-life crisis. To know if a mid - life crisis is ruining your marriage, look out for the signs below.
Doubting the Basis for Your Marriage
Out of the blue, you are feeling the first stirrings of regrets over your marriage. Suddenly, you are asking yourself questions that you have never thought of asking before. Now, you're wondering if you are truly in love with the person you have married. You're wondering if it really is romantic love that you are feeling for your partner or it's simply the love of a friend. Then again, it may be the marriage itself and not the person you've married that you are in doubt of. You feel that you have married too young or too early. You suddenly feel that you've missed out so much on life because of marriage.
Equality in Marriage
Another thing you feel frustrated about is the equality in your sexless marriage. You feel that your voice never gets heard and that you've never been part of the decision-making process. You feel taken for granted and manipulated. You try to think back about the times in your marriage that you felt empowered and appreciated and you can't come up with any.
What You Have Never Been Able to Do
You spend most of your time now dwelling on the things that you could have done and enjoyed before you married. Most of these things are better enjoyed as someone who's single rather than married. You may think of having wild parties at night or travelling to all corners of the globe. You think of risking your life with adventures or dangerous activities. You think of following your passion and never having to worry how much money your ‘calling' would bring.
What You Deserve
Another thing that most people suffering from mid-life crises constantly think of are the things they believe they deserve to enjoy now and that they could have gotten if only they hadn't married. You feel, for instance, that you could be at the peak of your career now if only you spent less time on raising your children and keeping your family together. You believe you can be someone wealthy and famous if only you had chosen to follow your heart.
What If You're Another Person?
A person who is undergoing a mid-life crisis doesn't like the life he or she has at present and thus begins to wonder what it would feel life to have someone else's life. At times like this, you become tempted to try and pretend you're someone else. So in the end, you go ahead and do it. You start with something pretty harmless, such as trying to dress differently or acting differently. You try to be friendlier and more open to flirtations. And then people actually respond to you and make you feel appreciated. It makes you think that this is the person you could have been if only you hadn't made the mistake of marrying early.
Misery Loves Company
This is practically a fact of life and it's true more often than not with people who are experiencing mid-life crises. They believe that their spouses - and sometimes even their children - do not deserve to be happy when they are feeling so empty and frustrated. When you're dissatisfied with marriage, the most obvious solution is a separation or a divorce. But with people who are suffering from mid-life crises, they are more prone to stay in a marriage because they want to see their partners suffer. Or at least they think they do. In truth, they want to stay married because they aren't really sure that a separation is what they want. A mid-life crisis is like a call for help. It drowns people in confusion and they need their loved ones to help them make sense of their lives.
Mixed Signals
Partners of those undergoing mid-life crises are often hurt and confused by the mixed signals they're getting. One time, they're needed and then they're rejected again. At times, you may do this deliberately but other times you yourself are confused. You don't understand how you feel about your partner right now. You want to push your partner away but at the same time you want the person to stay beside you and never leave. Absence of Purpose When you question the validity of your marriage, it's inevitable that you question the purpose of your life as well. You feel directionless. It feels like all the goals you once thought worthwhile are now meaningless. In fact, you're worried because you don't have any goals at all that you are eager to work hard for. It feels that there is nothing - or no one - you want to live for!
Hedonistic Tendencies
Another effect of mid-life crises is the urge to enjoy and forsake all your responsibilities. Right now, you don't want or even care about the things that you usually held dear. You do not want to save money. You see no point in it. You do not want to go to work. You are not happy working anyway. All you want to do is to have fun - the kind of fun that you never got to enjoy because you had been married at the wrong time. You want to have fun so badly that you don't care who you hurt and what it would cost you and the people you love.
How to Repair Your Marriage after a Mid-Life Crisis
The first thing that you should do is accept that you are undergoing a mid-life crisis. It's a hard thing to accept, similar to accepting the fact that you're depressed or an alcoholic. But only with acceptance can you move on and try to get better. You need to speak with your partner and, if necessary, speak with a professional as well in order to save your marriage.
Doubting the Basis for Your Marriage
Out of the blue, you are feeling the first stirrings of regrets over your marriage. Suddenly, you are asking yourself questions that you have never thought of asking before. Now, you're wondering if you are truly in love with the person you have married. You're wondering if it really is romantic love that you are feeling for your partner or it's simply the love of a friend. Then again, it may be the marriage itself and not the person you've married that you are in doubt of. You feel that you have married too young or too early. You suddenly feel that you've missed out so much on life because of marriage.
Equality in Marriage
Another thing you feel frustrated about is the equality in your sexless marriage. You feel that your voice never gets heard and that you've never been part of the decision-making process. You feel taken for granted and manipulated. You try to think back about the times in your marriage that you felt empowered and appreciated and you can't come up with any.
What You Have Never Been Able to Do
You spend most of your time now dwelling on the things that you could have done and enjoyed before you married. Most of these things are better enjoyed as someone who's single rather than married. You may think of having wild parties at night or travelling to all corners of the globe. You think of risking your life with adventures or dangerous activities. You think of following your passion and never having to worry how much money your ‘calling' would bring.
What You Deserve
Another thing that most people suffering from mid-life crises constantly think of are the things they believe they deserve to enjoy now and that they could have gotten if only they hadn't married. You feel, for instance, that you could be at the peak of your career now if only you spent less time on raising your children and keeping your family together. You believe you can be someone wealthy and famous if only you had chosen to follow your heart.
What If You're Another Person?
A person who is undergoing a mid-life crisis doesn't like the life he or she has at present and thus begins to wonder what it would feel life to have someone else's life. At times like this, you become tempted to try and pretend you're someone else. So in the end, you go ahead and do it. You start with something pretty harmless, such as trying to dress differently or acting differently. You try to be friendlier and more open to flirtations. And then people actually respond to you and make you feel appreciated. It makes you think that this is the person you could have been if only you hadn't made the mistake of marrying early.
Misery Loves Company
This is practically a fact of life and it's true more often than not with people who are experiencing mid-life crises. They believe that their spouses - and sometimes even their children - do not deserve to be happy when they are feeling so empty and frustrated. When you're dissatisfied with marriage, the most obvious solution is a separation or a divorce. But with people who are suffering from mid-life crises, they are more prone to stay in a marriage because they want to see their partners suffer. Or at least they think they do. In truth, they want to stay married because they aren't really sure that a separation is what they want. A mid-life crisis is like a call for help. It drowns people in confusion and they need their loved ones to help them make sense of their lives.
Mixed Signals
Partners of those undergoing mid-life crises are often hurt and confused by the mixed signals they're getting. One time, they're needed and then they're rejected again. At times, you may do this deliberately but other times you yourself are confused. You don't understand how you feel about your partner right now. You want to push your partner away but at the same time you want the person to stay beside you and never leave. Absence of Purpose When you question the validity of your marriage, it's inevitable that you question the purpose of your life as well. You feel directionless. It feels like all the goals you once thought worthwhile are now meaningless. In fact, you're worried because you don't have any goals at all that you are eager to work hard for. It feels that there is nothing - or no one - you want to live for!
Hedonistic Tendencies
Another effect of mid-life crises is the urge to enjoy and forsake all your responsibilities. Right now, you don't want or even care about the things that you usually held dear. You do not want to save money. You see no point in it. You do not want to go to work. You are not happy working anyway. All you want to do is to have fun - the kind of fun that you never got to enjoy because you had been married at the wrong time. You want to have fun so badly that you don't care who you hurt and what it would cost you and the people you love.
How to Repair Your Marriage after a Mid-Life Crisis
The first thing that you should do is accept that you are undergoing a mid-life crisis. It's a hard thing to accept, similar to accepting the fact that you're depressed or an alcoholic. But only with acceptance can you move on and try to get better. You need to speak with your partner and, if necessary, speak with a professional as well in order to save your marriage.
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