If you do not love yourself, how can you expect others to love you? This is the problem for many people with low self-esteem.
They want to be loved, but because they don't feel worthy of being loved, they expect people to not love them.
You will always find whatever you look for, so people who expect to not be loved will find that others don't love them.
In some cases it might be that they actually are loved but cannot see it.
In other cases their low self-esteem and self-disgust is shining through so that they in fact become less lovable.
Having low self-esteem thus makes you interpret others as not liking you as well as actually making others like you less.
To receive love and to feel that love you need to feel that you have something worth loving.
People with low self-esteem often don't dare to be themselves.
They don't like who they are and therefore they hide themselves behind a mask of being somebody else.
The trouble is that if you don't show others who you really are, others cannot love you for who you are.
Many people with low self-esteem are worried that their partners will one day find out who they really are and then leave them.
People with high self-esteem on the other hand dare to be themselves (because they feel good about who they are and they are not embarrassed).
Whenever they receive love from others they know that they are loved for who they truly are.
When people with low self-esteem get boyfriends or girlfriends they often "hang on too hard" to them.
They are so afraid of being dumped that they watch over their partners like a hawk watches its prey.
This is not a good strategy for a healthy relationship.
Relationships require trust and freedom.
With higher self-esteem you will feel that you are worthy of being loved and you will therefore not be equally afraid of being dumped by your partner.
Instead of watching over your partner every second like a police, you can spend that energy on getting to understand each other better and on developing the qualities and skills that are needed for a lasting relationship.
The solution for building a loving and lasting relationship is thus to raise your self-esteem.
With high self-esteem you will be able to love yourself and expect others to love you too.
As a consequence you will receive more love from all the people around you including potential partners.
With high self-esteem you will also dare to be you.
You will be open and show your real personality instead of trying to be somebody whom you're not.
You will be loved for who you are, not for who others think that you are.
When you raise your self-esteem you will also not feel the need to hang on to your partner too hard but give him or her freedom and trust.
You will not interpret small relationship problems as signs that there is something seriously wrong with you or with the relationship.
With high self-esteem your relationships will get better and last longer.
Liv Miyagawa - The Self-Esteem Coach