What is self esteem exactly? Generally, self esteem is an individual's sense of his or her value or worth.
Does the person like himself? I once had a client who could say honestly, that although all humans had intrinsic self worth, she didn't..
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Now, don't we have to be curious about how she came to be the only person ever born who was not worthy, valuable or respectable? How Can a Child Lose Their Self Esteem? Sometimes if we look at the worst cases, this will help us to understand how to build the best case.
These would be the children in the orphanages in Roumania for example, where the children fail to thrive.
Failure to thrive comes about when a child is fed and bathed and their physical needs are met, but none or few of their emotional needs are attended to.
They are emotionally abandoned.
They are ignored.
They are not played with.
They are not talked to.
They are not held and coddled.
This is an extreme case.
Slightly less extreme was a young man I worked with who had been given up for adoption as a child.
He was a hard core alcoholic.
After counseling with him for a while he made this statement: "I am not lovable.
My mother gave me up and mothers always love their children, so there must be something about me that makes me unlovable.
" This was a persuasive argument.
This was the reason I chose to work with children.
Once an adult has taken this position, unless they are willing to do the work to change their core belief, there is nothing anyone else can do for them.
But, let's look at children who ought to have good self esteem and don't.
What are some of the things that can go wrong? Early Sense of Self Worth A human baby comes home for the first time and is totally dependent on his parents.
Most other creatures are far more able to take care of their basic needs, but a human is totally dependent.
Yet, early infant psychologists spoke of the infant's "oceanic sense of power or well-being".
This is the early beginning of self esteem.
The infant cries, and an adult arrives to see to their needs.
The infant is hungry and a breast or a bottle quickly relieves their distress.
The infant is wet, and cold, and soon someone comes to clean and oil them and put on a fresh diaper.
Every so often, someone sings to them and holds them and might walk with them cuddled securely.
Someone will bathe them, and this is delightful, a little tickly and warm.
The "oceanic sense" of the infant is a sense that they somehow are in charge.
The mother seems to be an extension of them, somehow, because she is so in tune and responsive.
The infant doesn't know how this happens any more than he understands how he got his finger in his mouth, but it feels great.
Later Sense of Self Esteem Later on, as the infant begins to walk, and talk, it is important for the parents to continue to respond, but also to allow the infant some early independence.
If the parent is, usually out of fear, telling the child to come back or to stop or to stay off the..
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then the child will begin to doubt their ability to navigate in their world.
Language development is only important if someone is listening.
This is an area where busy parents often go astray.
They are so concerned that their child "be smart" that they teach more than they listen.
Many of these children will stop talking, or be very hesitant (shy) about talking once they are in school or other social situations.
Let your children talk and listen to them without correcting them.
If they are saying something that seems totally wrong to you, respect that they came to this conclusion for some reason.
Ask about it.
"Oh, honey, that's an interesting idea.
Tell me more about that.
" Little conversations that you have with your child will do more for their sense of self esteem than track medals or Honor Roll placement.